"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy." ~Proverbs 13:12 (NLT)
I have certainly experienced life from both of these perspectives. This week in particular both have been very real in my heart. I have been walking out the realities of both.
About two weeks ago the man who had become my grandfather, by my own choosing (long story) when I was four died. Each day since then has brought with it new and fresh pain-pain that comes with loss (some might call this 'grief'), pain from realizing how different life will be for my family and I and pain that has been hidden in my heart for possibly years if I let myself really face my life. And that's just the beginning...
Last Sunday my Pastor challenged a group of us to look back on the past year of our lives and see the places where Jesus has shown Himself victorious. This is one of my favorite things to do because I KNOW that the Lord is so completely for me and more powerful than I can ever imagine. So, I've been blown away by His faithfulness to me last year. By far the biggest display of my hopes being fulfilled can be seen in my trip to Ukraine. The Lord proved that sometimes He chooses to use the most broken people in the most vulnerable circumstances as a means for Himself to be lifted up when He brought me to Boystown, Mexico to love people whose life situations were so similar to my own family that it literally broke my heart. He showed me that His timing is always perfect if I'll just be patient and wait when He waited until a week before I needed to know where I would live to let me in on His plans. And that's just the beginning....
God's word is true. It is true today. Currently my heart feels oh so sick even though I can see His hope, dreams and fulfillment for my life. This is new, I don't know how to let my heart be sick. I want to treat it like I would a cold-stuff it full of medicine that will hide the symptoms just enough for me to get through the day (saying what I think people want to hear, forcing myself to smile and laugh and pretending that life is just as it was before, ya know the equivalent of cough suppressants, pain relievers and throat soothers).
Jesus, please show Yourself stronger than my own rationalities, teach me how to face pain because I KNOW that on the other side there's joy-
"Those who sow in tears, will reap with songs of joy."~Psalm 126:5.
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