I need to say from the very beginning that this is not about politics, it is about my heart. This is not meant to compare, resolve or belittle, it is my journey and I post it in hopes of encouraging others to seek Him more...
During the past three weeks there have been a few situations, both in Cambodia and America-and, actually a few other countries, too!- that have left me with a feeling of heart brokenness that I haven't experienced in a few months. It's this feeling of sorrow and a desire for things to be different than they are. It's a feeling of wanting to comfort the hurting, wanting to soothe the pain, wanting so desperately to make it all okay for the ones going through hard things.
My definition of "make it all okay" does not mean the simple and actually shallow solution of solving the problem, making the "bad guys" go away or ignoring the reality of pain. When I think of wanting to "make it all okay" what I mean is that I long to help others keep their gaze on Jesus. I have learned time and time again that when I'm centered on Him there is no storm that can conquer me.
I remember when I was a 16 year old watching the on the news as they told about another 16 year old being shot in school because she said she believed in Jesus... I kept my gaze on Him as I went to school every day hoping the metal detectors at the front door would do their job.
I remember when Muslim friends were mocked and even spit on at school and I had to choose to keep my gaze on Him as I stood with them... I was much more afraid for them than for myself. I knew it wasn't right what was happening to them.
I remember going to school one morning and realizing that one of the adults at home had hidden their drugs in my jacket pocket... That was the very day the police brought their drug sniffing dogs... I kept my gaze on Him, I trusted He had a plan...
I remember other students in college telling me that I wasn't healed because of... well, they had lots of reasons that they believed.... I kept my gaze on Him though it was blurry from tears... I sought His voice over and over and over again.
I remember when I was part of a team of people who helped put an 8 year old girl in a shelter for girls who were sexually exploited only to have to watch her be lawfully returned to that unsafe situation three months later... I kept my gaze on Him even as my fists pounded in anger.
I remember traveling alone in an airport when as the airport staff member guided me through the crowds she said, "They should just stop letting people like this travel..."... I kept my gaze on Him even then as I responded sharply but didn't choose to take it out on every airport staff member.
I don't say these things because I think I have all the answers. I don't.
I say them because I need to remind myself of what happens when I keep my gaze on Him. As the world seems to get worse and worse day by day I need to encourage myself to make steel my gaze on Him.
Jesus is the One who is always steady.
He is not changed by what we as broken humans put each other through.
This song has been one that has helped me keep steel my gaze on Jesus through the years...
"When I'm overwhelmed and doubts abound,
when I've lost all heart and the will to fight,
when despair sets in and my day is night...
Lift up my head, make steel my gaze....
Whenever I'm tired and I feel alone,
when oppression mounts and trials come,
when the father of lies, his arrows fly,
when there are no answers...
Lift up my head, make steel my gaze..."
During the past three weeks there have been a few situations, both in Cambodia and America-and, actually a few other countries, too!- that have left me with a feeling of heart brokenness that I haven't experienced in a few months. It's this feeling of sorrow and a desire for things to be different than they are. It's a feeling of wanting to comfort the hurting, wanting to soothe the pain, wanting so desperately to make it all okay for the ones going through hard things.
My definition of "make it all okay" does not mean the simple and actually shallow solution of solving the problem, making the "bad guys" go away or ignoring the reality of pain. When I think of wanting to "make it all okay" what I mean is that I long to help others keep their gaze on Jesus. I have learned time and time again that when I'm centered on Him there is no storm that can conquer me.
I remember when I was a 16 year old watching the on the news as they told about another 16 year old being shot in school because she said she believed in Jesus... I kept my gaze on Him as I went to school every day hoping the metal detectors at the front door would do their job.
I remember when Muslim friends were mocked and even spit on at school and I had to choose to keep my gaze on Him as I stood with them... I was much more afraid for them than for myself. I knew it wasn't right what was happening to them.
I remember going to school one morning and realizing that one of the adults at home had hidden their drugs in my jacket pocket... That was the very day the police brought their drug sniffing dogs... I kept my gaze on Him, I trusted He had a plan...
I remember other students in college telling me that I wasn't healed because of... well, they had lots of reasons that they believed.... I kept my gaze on Him though it was blurry from tears... I sought His voice over and over and over again.
I remember when I was part of a team of people who helped put an 8 year old girl in a shelter for girls who were sexually exploited only to have to watch her be lawfully returned to that unsafe situation three months later... I kept my gaze on Him even as my fists pounded in anger.
I remember traveling alone in an airport when as the airport staff member guided me through the crowds she said, "They should just stop letting people like this travel..."... I kept my gaze on Him even then as I responded sharply but didn't choose to take it out on every airport staff member.
I don't say these things because I think I have all the answers. I don't.
I say them because I need to remind myself of what happens when I keep my gaze on Him. As the world seems to get worse and worse day by day I need to encourage myself to make steel my gaze on Him.
Jesus is the One who is always steady.
He is not changed by what we as broken humans put each other through.
This song has been one that has helped me keep steel my gaze on Jesus through the years...
"When I'm overwhelmed and doubts abound,
when I've lost all heart and the will to fight,
when despair sets in and my day is night...
Lift up my head, make steel my gaze....
Whenever I'm tired and I feel alone,
when oppression mounts and trials come,
when the father of lies, his arrows fly,
when there are no answers...
Lift up my head, make steel my gaze..."
Thank you.
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