Saturday, March 7, 2009

Frustrated and Confused

Written April 2006
It is wonderful to be able to look at my hopeful and excited attitude about the surprises God allows into my life. I can only see them in this light now that I've learned over the past 3 years to trust Him more and more...

"Okay, so people want me to blog. So I'm blogging. I'm not so great at this. Unfortunately, I chose a bad time to do this, I'm not in the best of moods. I am confused and frustrated. I am confused because just when I think I know what I'm supposed to do after my trip to Ukraine God decides to throw me another curve ball. I think that He -yes, I'm assuming I know what God thinks, one of my favorite pastimes! :)- enjoys just making me wait until the absolute last second before He let's me know what He's up to in my life. I am frustrated because of this confusion and because recently I allowed God to poke around at some really painful things in my heart and now He seems to think (see, doing it again!) that He can just bring up ALL KINDS of pain and I'm not so sure that's what I agreed to. I'd much rather be simply happy with life, I'm struggling with everything in me to continue to live out of the joy and peace that is in my heart and not to let them get overwhelmed with the pain and frustration. I am fighting to remind myself that God loves me, just because, just the way I am. Right now, I am going to go to bed and praise God that His mercies are new every morning. Tomorrow will be better!"

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