The Sound of Your Name Said In His Voice

When she didn’t understand what was happening

Even though she was slow to believe

When she felt alone

While she was weeping

He saw her devotion to Him and gave her a great reward

He came to her

He knew what she needed

He said her name

Her name in His voice opened her eyes to see life

And the sound of her name said in His voice changed everything for her

In John chapter 20 we see Mary on resurrection morning.  She was slow to believe that what Jesus said could really be true, that He would rise from death.  And, I just can’t really blame her! I think I would’ve wanted to believe it but, I too, probably would have been doubtful as I grieved the loss of such a dear friend.  Mary is so loyal, she wanted to protect His reputation, she wanted to make sure His dead body was treated with the most honor and respect that could be given.  Her devotion brought her to the tomb before sunrise.  

Mary wept.  The body was gone, it hadn’t been cared for well, it wasn’t protected. She was devastated.  

In her moment of devastation, yet still loyal, He was there. He saw that the devastation was a sign of her loyalty and He gave her such a great reward. She didn’t expect it, she expected Him to be dead.  

Her name in His voice opened her eyes to life.

When I don’t understand what’s happening

Even though I’m slow to believe 

When I feel alone

While I’m weeping

He sees my devotion to Him and rewards me greatly

He comes to me

He knows what I need

He says my name

My name in His voice opens my eyes to see life

And the sound of my name said in His voice changes everything for me

As I read Mary’s story in John chapter 20 this morning I was dealing with some broken-heartedness of my own.  There are circumstances in my life that I don’t understand why they are the way that they are.  I’ve said goodbye to many dear friends this year.  There are things I want so desperately to keep believing for even though I’m slow to believe.  Personally, I hear voices before I recognize faces. This morning, again, my name in His voice has opened my eyes to the life He offers each day.  Such a great reward.  

And, you? Will you be brave enough to go to where He waits for you, even though you don’t understand and maybe you’re just a bit slow to believe? Will you weep, let the devastation out so you can hear your name clearly when He says it? The sound of your name in His voice will be a sweet reward and allow you to see the life He offers.  

When you don’t understand what’s happening

Even though you’re slow to believe

When you feel alone

While you’re weeping

He sees your devotion to Him and rewards you greatly

He comes to you

He knows what you need

He says your name

And the sound of your name said in His voice changes everything for you

Grace in Weakness

It’s really easy for people to share about the victories we have in our lives- the prayers that have been answered in the way we were hoping for, the anniversaries of important positive life changing days, the celebrations of so many days, weeks, months, years since we have done such and such a bad habit, the moments when we have succeeded at something for the first time or when we have passed a test that we thought would be impossible.  And, rightfully so, we need to practice celebration in our own lives and the lives of those around us! 

But, today I was reminded of the beauty and goodness that can be found when we are willing to admit the things we haven’t overcome yet, to look at our weaknesses and call them weakness, to ask people to continue praying for that situation we haven’t seen change in yet or even to rejoice in the percent we did get right on an assignment.  

I’ve wrestled since the time I was 8 years old with feeling like I was replaceable.  I was told a lie that there will always be something or someone better than me and when they show up I won’t be loved anymore.  I have had to figure out the detail of that lie so I can come against it in the most effective ways.  It would be one thing to say that I believed I wouldn’t be needed anymore, if that was the lie then I would still be confident in the truth that I’m loveable.  

That wasn’t the lie though.  The lie was very distinct, very targeted.  As my younger brother was born I had just asked my mom if I could change my last name to my stepdad’s, I wanted to have the same last name as my brother and the man I had been calling dad.  The Destroyer chose that very season to break me in ways that I am still recovering from.  

My stepdad now had a child of his own.  A son.  I became worthless. I was no longer loved. I had been replaced.  

Even today I have to be aware of what voice I’m hearing in my mind.  Every now and then the fear of being replaced finds its way to the surface and impacts my current relationships.  Especially in seasons of transition or uncertainty of any kind and the past few months have had more than their share of such things.

This afternoon I found myself confessing to someone I care about so deeply that I thought she didn’t want to spend time with me.  It took a lot of humility and honesty to say that to her.  I could have made up an excuse and not had to face the after effects of what my childhood has done to me.  But, I chose to stand in this moment of acknowledging my insecurity.  

It was hard.  

Grace was given.  She forgave me for still not yet understanding the completeness of her acceptance.  And, I told her I would start to have more confidence in it.  Pray for me? 

Fully accepted

I believe it is important for us to share our stories even when we don’t have complete victory.  After all, if complete victory was in the here and now then why would we long for eternity? 

So readers, keep taking steps forward and find the ones who will cheer you on in the process.  The majority of people around us won’t have the privilege of seeing all the moments of believing and persevering and continuing and that’s okay.  Our Father in Heaven sees every one and He delights in our desire to keep going forward.