Monday, April 6, 2015

When Painful and Favorite Collide -Easter

Easter is my absolute most favorite holiday of the year! Setting aside time to specifically be able to celebrate the resurrection of my Redeemer means so much to me.  Since giving my life to Jesus when I was 15 I have been so completely aware that my life is what it is only because of His power and grace.  

Worship sets that are full of songs declaring who He is, proclaiming the miracle that He lives today and inspiring a congregation towards going out and telling the world around them who He is and why He’s worthy are my favorite kind of worship! 

The story of His resurrection is one of my favorite examples of the esteem God has placed on women.  It was women who went to that tomb early that morning and because of their sacrifice (hey, early in the morning is synonymous with sacrifice to me!) they had the privilege of being the first ones to proclaim that He had risen!

Victory is one of my favorite things to participate in and Easter is so much fun because it is a day when the focus is on the already won victory of Jesus! Who doesn’t like to be part of righteous victory??? 

There’s SO MUCH to enjoy about Easter and I do every year. 

Yesterday was Easter and here in Cambodia it gets a bit overshadowed by the traditional Khmer New Year holiday which usually falls during the same week.  This year though, there is a week separating them and we got to CELEBRATE at the majority Khmer church I go to here!!! It was full of all of the things I just told you are my favorites and was probably one of my (wait for it….) FAVORITE Easter worship services ever!

There’s more to Easter though and this next part catches me off guard each year.  

I go home from church and am struck in such a tangible way with the fact that my mom and brothers haven’t celebrated with me.  Yes, I now live in Cambodia and they are in New York but even before the distance prevented us from celebrating together I’ve never had the experience of rejoicing over salvation and transformation with them…. They haven’t yet realized the gift given for them in His death and resurrection.  

So yesterday, as with many years past, I returned home from having lunch with friends and it hit….hard.  I sat alone on my porch swing, on the balcony of my 4th floor apartment in this hot, humid city where 97% of the people don’t realize the gift given for them either and I prayed a lot and cried a lot.  

I cried because I want my family to know Him.
I cried because I long for them to know who they are because of Him.
I cried because of cherished memories of Easter’s long ago… Family gathering at our house, coloring eggs for each member of the family (pets included!), waking up the next morning to discover that Peter Cottontail had left a huge basket full of candy and then hunting to find all those colored eggs mom had hidden while I slept... So many more, so much laughter, so much joy... Sweet, sweet moments!
I cried because of painful memories of Easter’s long and not so long ago… Police coming to break up domestic violence between grown ups, wearing outfits I knew had been stolen from a store the night before, visiting Gramma in the hospital that Sunday before she died the following Friday, that one Easter when on Saturday night I begged and pleaded for the drug dealers to be kicked out before the morning when my brothers and I would wake up but they hadn’t been… And others that carry hopes that weren't realized, attempts to make things that were not out to be as if they were.... The pieces of life His resurrection redeems and restores!
I cried because I sat on a swing in a place I love after a morning of rejoicing and I knew His perfect love for me while they don’t know if for themselves.  
I cried because I know that He loves them even more than I do, He gave His life for them….


This time of crying, those moments when I’m struck with how much Easter hurts- these are my own “Saturday before Resurrection Sunday” moments.  I know what’s on the other side and oh gosh am I waiting and hoping for the day those I love (and all those He loves) to recognize that Sunday is for them too! 

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