Waiting Awhile

Tonight I posted this on Facebook right after watching the sun set:
When God paints the sky in brilliant colors and the sun is already gone it reminds me that sometimes He asks us to wait so long that everyone else tells us the good stuff has already come and gone, we've missed it and should move on... And then He gives us the best.

I wrote those words after watching the descent of the bright orange ball that illuminated the sky surrounding it with a much paler shade of orange.  It was pretty, as I think all sunsets that aren't covered by clouds are.  But then, I lingered a little.  I was hoping (okay, there wasn't a lot of expectation....) that the sky would become more vibrant and rich in color as sometimes happens after the sun has disappeared from view.  

And it did! The sky became an increasingly richer tone of sunset orange....the photo doesn't nearly capture it well enough. 

I hoped (even a little) so I waited... and He came through.

I'm not telling you that EVERY time we hope and wait God will come through in less than 15 minutes... 

Earlier today I sat with 3 different scenarios that all ask me and my colleagues here in Cambodia to choose to hope and then wait. And continue waiting. And still wait.

A young Khmer couple I've known for 4 years now who were married before they knew Jesus and now have a 1 and half year old son together are considering divorce. Today, I just wanted to shake this guy awake, tell him to grow up and start being grateful for all he has in his life.  His social workers and I talked a lot today about the Kingdom value of marriage and covenant, the enemy's desire to destroy family, our privilege to stand with God in helping others to experience Kingdom values in their lives and our responsibility to love this couple and not judge their choices but to be honest with them at the same time... In the end, we prayed. We know these 2 have to make their own choices, stand their own ground and we hope for God's best and we wait..... 

A 17 year old boy I met when he was 12 found himself standing in front of his social worker again today.  He's walked a loooong road in life already-parents both dead, brutally sexually abused, survived through gang fights and police brutality on the streets.... Then last year, he chose to go to a Christian drug rehab, he completed their 9 month residential program but received no help at all for his sexual abuse and had a very poor support system set up to receive him after graduation.  Today, a year after his release from that program, he is using drugs again, still hasn't addressed his sexual abuse, sleeps around, steals to eat.  He sat with his Khmer social worker, only a few years older than himself, and he said he needed help.  He wanted food, clothes and a house.  He's not ready yet to accept the real transformation that awaits him in Jesus.  We gave him some food, some clothes, told him he is always welcome at our center and we will keep hoping for God's best and waiting.....

There's a group of boys who have been repeatedly sexually abused by a foreign man.  They range in age from 5-13.  These boys are living in a residential facility not meant for boys and not meant for any victims of sexual abuse let alone male victims.  But, such places don't exist in Cambodia...not yet anyway. Their journey has been loooong and it is not over yet.  They will testify against their abuser, then they will return to homes where their family members don't believe they've been abused and eventually they will have to choose for themselves if they want lasting healing and freedom from torturous pain they walk around with.  One of these boys, a 10 year old, has begun to act out his abuse on others.  Tomorrow our counselors will go to see these boys as they have done twice each week since September.  We will continue to go to them as long as they will receive us, even after they are back at 'home' on the streets of this city.... And, for now, we are hoping for God's BEST for these boys and we are waiting for Him to act!

We don't only wait, we wait in expectation and we do what we can.  

-Sunset-I waited because I continued to hope it would be pretty. There was NOTHING I could have done to make that happen but I waited.

-Married Couple-we are waiting and speaking truth and love over them while we wait.

-17 Year Old-we are waiting and we give what we can when he's ready for it.

-Brave Boys-we are waiting and stand with them and tell them they are not alone and that we believe them.

How can I say we are hoping and for best and waiting for it even when these stories are so filled with injustice, mistreatment and evil? Because, I have lived through some injustice, mistreatment and evil and I know that God chose some of His faithful ones, even then-before I knew Him, to hope for His best in my life and to wait for Him to act.... 

And, truth is, I'm more than convinced that it's not uncommon for God to give us the most beautiful, the best parts when we will treasure them most....after waiting a while. 

When Painful and Favorite Collide -Easter

Easter is my absolute most favorite holiday of the year! Setting aside time to specifically be able to celebrate the resurrection of my Redeemer means so much to me.  Since giving my life to Jesus when I was 15 I have been so completely aware that my life is what it is only because of His power and grace.  

Worship sets that are full of songs declaring who He is, proclaiming the miracle that He lives today and inspiring a congregation towards going out and telling the world around them who He is and why He’s worthy are my favorite kind of worship! 

The story of His resurrection is one of my favorite examples of the esteem God has placed on women.  It was women who went to that tomb early that morning and because of their sacrifice (hey, early in the morning is synonymous with sacrifice to me!) they had the privilege of being the first ones to proclaim that He had risen!

Victory is one of my favorite things to participate in and Easter is so much fun because it is a day when the focus is on the already won victory of Jesus! Who doesn’t like to be part of righteous victory??? 

There’s SO MUCH to enjoy about Easter and I do every year. 

Yesterday was Easter and here in Cambodia it gets a bit overshadowed by the traditional Khmer New Year holiday which usually falls during the same week.  This year though, there is a week separating them and we got to CELEBRATE at the majority Khmer church I go to here!!! It was full of all of the things I just told you are my favorites and was probably one of my (wait for it….) FAVORITE Easter worship services ever!

There’s more to Easter though and this next part catches me off guard each year.  

I go home from church and am struck in such a tangible way with the fact that my mom and brothers haven’t celebrated with me.  Yes, I now live in Cambodia and they are in New York but even before the distance prevented us from celebrating together I’ve never had the experience of rejoicing over salvation and transformation with them…. They haven’t yet realized the gift given for them in His death and resurrection.  

So yesterday, as with many years past, I returned home from having lunch with friends and it hit….hard.  I sat alone on my porch swing, on the balcony of my 4th floor apartment in this hot, humid city where 97% of the people don’t realize the gift given for them either and I prayed a lot and cried a lot.  

I cried because I want my family to know Him.

I cried because I long for them to know who they are because of Him.

I cried because of cherished memories of Easter’s long ago… Family gathering at our house, coloring eggs for each member of the family (pets included!), waking up the next morning to discover that Peter Cottontail had left a huge basket full of candy and then hunting to find all those colored eggs mom had hidden while I slept... So many more, so much laughter, so much joy... Sweet, sweet moments!

I cried because of painful memories of Easter’s long and not so long ago… Police coming to break up domestic violence between grown ups, wearing outfits I knew had been stolen from a store the night before, visiting Gramma in the hospital that Sunday before she died the following Friday, that one Easter when on Saturday night I begged and pleaded for the drug dealers to be kicked out before the morning when my brothers and I would wake up but they hadn’t been… And others that carry hopes that weren't realized, attempts to make things that were not out to be as if they were.... The pieces of life His resurrection redeems and restores!

I cried because I sat on a swing in a place I love after a morning of rejoicing and I knew His perfect love for me while they don’t know if for themselves.  

I cried because I know that He loves them even more than I do, He gave His life for them….

This time of crying, those moments when I’m struck with how much Easter hurts- these are my own “Saturday before Resurrection Sunday” moments.  I know what’s on the other side and oh gosh am I waiting and hoping for the day those I love (and all those He loves) to recognize that Sunday is for them too!