Awkward Love

Lately, I've been reading A LOT.  I know, some of you are thinking, "Yvonne, you read A LOT all the time..." and, you're probably right. But, I've been reading specifically about love and how men and women have such different experiences with it. So, I guess the correct sentence should be, lately, I've been reading A LOT about love. I'm doing some specific research for the opening of the Boys Center in Camboida.
Lots of people out there have many more years of experience than I do so, for a while, I may just share with you the wisdom from others that stands out to me.

Here's another excerpt from John Eldredge and as for the parts that relate to women, I think I fully agree.  It is not easy for anyone, male or female, to love others and to open ourselves up to the vulnerabilities that come with it.
But, I'm sure gonna keep on tryin' cause it is so worth it for the relationships that grow and mature...

"Honest communication in love is the only way to live and grow in friendships including marriages. There are ebbs and flows. There may be real hurt and disappointment. But with the grace of God firmly holding us, it is possible to nurture and sustain deep friendships. We are designed to live in relationship and share in the lives of others. We need one another. God knows that. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and, in faith, to love. We must also repent.

Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe that God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming . . . a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink, or swear; that's what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing . . . or merely nice?)

Really now-do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is . . . bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. "I've pretty much tried for the last twenty years to be a good man as the church defines it." Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. "Dutiful," he said. "And separated from his heart." A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark.

Men enjoy relationships in which we are challenged, relationships that require more from us than the church expects. As men we long to protectors, we were made to stand up for truth, justice, righteousness.  The enemy of our souls wants us to believe that our voice is not needed-this is a lie.  The enemy wants us to bellieve that our passion in life is evil-this is a lie.

For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her. Fallen Eve demands that people "come through" for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed. Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm. Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)"

(Wild at Heart, 7-8, The Sacred Romance, 44, Captivating, 181-82)