Awkward Love

Lately, I've been reading A LOT.  I know, some of you are thinking, "Yvonne, you read A LOT all the time..." and, you're probably right. But, I've been reading specifically about love and how men and women have such different experiences with it. So, I guess the correct sentence should be, lately, I've been reading A LOT about love. I'm doing some specific research for the opening of the Boys Center in Camboida.
Lots of people out there have many more years of experience than I do so, for a while, I may just share with you the wisdom from others that stands out to me.

Here's another excerpt from John Eldredge and as for the parts that relate to women, I think I fully agree.  It is not easy for anyone, male or female, to love others and to open ourselves up to the vulnerabilities that come with it.
But, I'm sure gonna keep on tryin' cause it is so worth it for the relationships that grow and mature...

"Honest communication in love is the only way to live and grow in friendships including marriages. There are ebbs and flows. There may be real hurt and disappointment. But with the grace of God firmly holding us, it is possible to nurture and sustain deep friendships. We are designed to live in relationship and share in the lives of others. We need one another. God knows that. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and, in faith, to love. We must also repent.

Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe that God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming . . . a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink, or swear; that's what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing . . . or merely nice?)

Really now-do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is . . . bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. "I've pretty much tried for the last twenty years to be a good man as the church defines it." Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. "Dutiful," he said. "And separated from his heart." A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark.

Men enjoy relationships in which we are challenged, relationships that require more from us than the church expects. As men we long to protectors, we were made to stand up for truth, justice, righteousness.  The enemy of our souls wants us to believe that our voice is not needed-this is a lie.  The enemy wants us to bellieve that our passion in life is evil-this is a lie.

For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her. Fallen Eve demands that people "come through" for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed. Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm. Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)"

(Wild at Heart, 7-8, The Sacred Romance, 44, Captivating, 181-82)

TraffickJam2011-The Need for a Boys Center in Cambodia

Some of you already know this but, I lived in Cambodia for 6 months last year and am planning on returning long term this coming June.

One of the major projects I worked on while there was to begin a program that provides a safe place for young boys in Phnom Penh who are at risk of being sold for sex or who are already being sold.  I got to meet and build relationships with 26 boys between the ages of 4 and 14.  Each of these boys would come to the Kids Club program I helped to begin.  The program was held Monday-Friday for 2 hours.  We would play games, sing songs, make crafts, share a Bible story, eat snack together and simply get to know each other! These were always my FAVORITE 2 hours of the day!!!

The next step for this project is for the Hard Places Community to open our own center for these boys! In order to do this we need quite a bit of funding.

Will you consider taking part in a nationwide Walk-A-Thon to raise funds for us to be able to open our Boys Center this summer?

This event is open to ANYONE IN ANY STATE in the U.S. 

All you need to do is 

1. Sign up on the TraffickJam Website or email the coordinator listed for your State

2.  Have a group of friends (your colleagues at work, your church, your friends on campus....whoever you want!) who want to participate with you 

3.  Choose a 10 mile route in your area (if you are the coordinator for your area)

4.  Ask at least 10.people to sponsor you $10!

You will receive all kinds of support along the way, flyers to give out to people and sponsor envelopes. Each member of your team will  also get a t-shirt :-) 

If you are interested or have questions please let me know or go straight to the TraffickJam Website. You can also "like" us on our Facebook page.

This blog, the website and the Facebook page all have stories about boys who we are currently working with, so please feel free to read them and pass them on!

We are hoping to get at least one group of walkers from EVERY STATE so, even if you can't participate, please spread the word! Pass this email along, post it to your Facebook/Twitter page...help get the word out.

Thank you so much for considering how you can help bring an end to modern day slavery by partnering with TraffickJam!

Here is a video that presents our vision....

Let me know what you think and please contact me with any questions at all!

Not Little Boys Anymore

I have 2 younger brothers who live in New York City. Glen is 19 and Kyle just turned 18 on March 7th. Gosh, I love those boys! Well, I guess they're not so much "boys" anymore, huh?

That doesn't really matter to me because I have the memories of when they were....and those memories will always make me smile:

• When Kyle was learning to read he once pronounced the word "pineapple" as pin-opp-ahlee.
• When Glen was in first grade, his class did a performance of the Macarena.
• While eating a popsicle, Kyle was famous for the amazing slurping sounds he could make...any old Popice sounded like it was the best thing in the world!
• Glen's favorite movie of ALL TIME was The Land Before Time, we watched it over and over and over and....over.
• We had a rabbit (don't ask how we had a rabbit living in Queens, New York City...) and Kyle loved to hide Thumper (that really was the rabbit's name). We'd find him in a wooden box we used to keep potatoes in, we'd find him in drawers and once....we even found him in the dryer (he was okay though!)
• When Glen was learning to talk he couldn't say "sister" so he would call me his 2-year old version of the word, "dita" and he still calls me that...and I love it.
• We used to go to arcades (do those even exist anymore?) on the weekends and they would both use portions of their prize tokens to get little rings, bracelets and what not for my mom and I :-)
• The first meal Glen learned to cook: scrambled eggs in the microwave.
• While doing laundry in the laundromat one time Kyle was intrigued at all the quarters and knew that we needed them for the arcade as well. He looked up at me with huge eyes and a big grin and triumphantly said, "Sister, I'm gonna ask for a million quarters!"'
• We got a dalmatian puppy and were trying to decide what to name him. Kyle suggested, "'Dice, because he looks like dice!", what a creative 4-year old he was! 

These probably don't mean very much to you and that's okay with me.  Just know that to me, these few memories of my brothers are cherished dearly.  It takes quite a bit of effort for me to dig these ones up.  They are buried deep underneath the rubble of the chaos, violence, fear... that the three of us survived together.

And, it's true, Glen and Kyle are not little boys anymore.  Really, they haven't been for a very long time..... They are men and as one of them turned 18 this week he has begun to look at his life and evaluate.  He told me that he had goals for himself, goals that for many 18-year olds would've been quite simple to accomplish (have a driver's license, have a legit job and be nearing high school graduation) but, he hasn't yet.  He has got to figure out how to live a fulfilling life, a life where love matters, a life where it's okay to dream for the future..  He's got to figure these things out without the support system of men to show him what that looks like.

He'll get there....I believe in him, I believe in both of them....I believe in the plan that God has for their lives and for that reason alone I have hope for their futures.

I needed to say that.

May You Be Blessed....

Today is the first day of Lent-the 40 days leading up to Easter Sunday when many take the time to reflect on Jesus' days on earth, especially His time of being tempted in the wilderness.  It is not so much about the fact that Jesus was tempted that means a lot to me, it's much more about how He responded that matters.  Jesus responded in perfection.  He responded in perfection because I cannot, you cannot.  We need His response.  We need what He alone was able to accomplish, it is the only way to be able to have a relationship with the Father, the Holy One. I'm so grateful for His sacrifice so that I can stand before God not only on my own behalf but on behalf of the many people I love in this world.  Through my relationship with the Father I am able to experience true joy, peace, fulfillment....I am made whole because of my relationship with Him. And this only by the sacrifices of Jesus.

This year I am taking part in an online devotional series during Lent (I signed up for ReLENTless Acts of Justice with WorldVision Act:S. All you have to do is enter your name and email address with a name of a church/school and you can get emails during Lent too).

This particular series will focus on learning to emulate Christ in light of six injustices that happen throughout the world today.  It will provide an opportunity for me to look at the things that are commonly seen as normal in everyday life for an American but are luxuries for those in many other parts of the world.

Today's email included this Franciscan blessing.  I think it is great and will be writing it out in my journal....May you be blessed...

"May God b that was compiled less you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen

May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen

May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen."

Prayer is a Weapon...And a Choice.

Yesterday morning I read that great article on prayer and posted it here.  I was so encouraged! I was reminded of how very powerful prayer truly is and was inspired to begin to wield this weapon I've been so freely given and yet use so rarely.

And, I did pray more yesterday than I have on other days.  I found myself praying about all kinds of things throughout my day.  I prayed for my roomate's car as she took it to the shop, I found myself praying for the staff of the church I attend, I prayed for a friend who is a sophomore in college and just beginning to realize how very big the world is and was feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, I prayed for grace and favor to be with another friend who is trying to manage his finances well to be able to do all the things God's put on his heart to do (like return to Cambodia this summer!)....Okay, so I prayed more yesterday than I have on other days (mind you, all these prayers were quite sporadic during the day-each one lasting anywhere from about 4-7 minutes....don't think I was like spending hours upon hours with God...which would have been great but, maybe that'll happen another day).

Then, last night at about 8:00 which is 9:00am in Cambodia my mind drifted to Phnom Penh and Svay Pak.  This is very common, I often wonder about what my friends are doing on the other side of the world.  And, thanks to technology, one of my American teammates in Cambodia was online and we began chatting on Facebook.  I really enjoy being able to connect with her so frequently, it helps me to stay in the loop with what's happening there and it's a great outlet for the both of us as we struggle with things that only those who've been there and experienced firsthand can relate to.

Earlier that morning I'd read an email update from another teammate.  Because it was sent out en mass the details of some stories were vague.  I began to ask questions about a situation that was described in the update.  My friend proceeded to confirm the truth of a situation we'd all been desperately hoping was not reality. Turns out that two of our youngest kids from the Wat Phnom ministry are indeed being sold nightly.  They are both boys, a 6-year old and a 4-year old.

A 4-year old boy who, even when we do have enough evidence and can catch the bad guy, HAS NO PLACE TO GO.  There is not a safe place for boys in Phnom Penh, let alone one where the eternal hope and healing of Jesus is offered.  Yet....

There is not a safe place for boys in Cambodia yet.  There will be because God has given us (the Hard Places Community) His dream for a place of refuge for little ones like this boy and the many others whose stories are very similar to his.  TraffickJam2011 has a mighty purpose in fulfilling this dream....And, I'm excited to see how He will provide!

But, last night and this morning I find myself with a truly broken heart (again).  I wept so hard last night, my stomach hurt and I was so angry at the evil of this fallen world.  Then I remembered about the weapon I've been given....and I was faced with such a clear choice: would I choose to believe that prayer was no match for this horrid situation that is only one of millions and be overcome by despair and hopelessness? Or, would I choose to bravely use what I've been given, knowing that it is prayer that ultimately moves heaven and earth?...not simply my words but my words being added to the power of the One who hears my pleas, the One whose heart is broken so much more than mine will ever be?  Would I belive that if I pray, if I choose to let my prayers rise to His throne with the countless other prayers that surely flood that place on behalf of the same issue, that He would hear and that things will change?

Yikes.  Big decision.  I chose to pray....I prayed through my tears, I cried, I yelled, I was angry, I was hurting. But, I went to my King, the One who has true power and authority in this world. And, I believe that He heard me and I trust that He knows best. His word tells me so; "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8-9.

Sometimes I want to stop feeling, I want to pretend that the little ones He's allowed to know and love in Cambodia are just fine, to not read the updates from teamates....But, my God promises to honor the sacrifice of a broken heart...so I'll continue to seek His heart and walk with Him...Psalm 51:15-17 "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare Your praise. You don't delight in sacrifice or I'd bring it; You don't delight in burnt offerings.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you won't despise."

Today, I'll choose to pray.....because it's what I can do right here, right now.

YOU Have an Important Role to Fulfill!

I came across this article written by Benjamin Nolot who has served in Cambodia and wrote this for an organization called ExodusCry whose mission is to see modern day slavery come to an end. They advocate prayer as the powerful weapon it truly is! I hope that this article spurs you to pray....simply to pray.  Not only for those in Cambodia I've been telling you about but, for people in any place around the world who are oppressed.  Prayer is our most powerful weapon regardless of the shape the enemy takes on.

"After first becoming exposed to the realities of modern-day slavery, people’s common reaction is, “What can I do?” Instantly, people imagine that they have to raid a brothel in Cambodia or witness to a prostitute in Vegas in order to have a real impact. Yet, what is often forgotten in the abolition equation is the very real and integral component of prayer.

Prayer is not just a means for abolition. It is the central means.

In Luke 18 Jesus gives us a key insight into abolition. Through parable, He tells us how God brings justice into unjust situations. As the wisest, most knowledgeable man ever to walk the earth, He could have said many things about this subject. He could have offered us some wisdom in lawmaking or a ‘how-to’ on building judicial systems. He could have given us strategies on outreach or on how to feed the poor. But instead, He highlighted just one simple thing: prayer. Jesus taught that “speedy justice” would come in response to “day and night” prayer (Lk. 18:7-8).

Prayer connects us to the heart of God, defeats the spiritual forces of darkness behind slavery, and releases God’s healing presence in the hearts of those who have been traumatized and exploited––all things we could never do in our own strength.

Past abolitionists have proven the effect of prayer. Four men, in particular, come to mind when thinking about abolitionists through history: Moses, Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, and William Wilberforce. If there’s one defining characteristic that each of these men possessed, it was a life of prayer.

It was through prayer that Moses released the plagues in Egypt that brought about the great exodus of the enslaved Jews.

Jesus routinely spent entire nights in prayer before performing great miracles that set people free.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient.”

William Wilberforce warned, “Of all things, guard against neglecting God in the secret place of prayer.”

These men were completely dependent on God to bring about the abolition they all so deeply longed for. If we want to be the abolitionists that these men were, we must embrace the God-ordained means of abolition. Prayer wasn’t just a precursor to their abolition. It was their abolition.

Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom in suburban America or a full-time practitioner in Southeast Asia, everyone can be an active abolitionist through prayer." -Benjamin Nolot