Oh gosh.....I just don't really know where to even begin....
At the bottom of this post is a video of a the song, "I Saw What I Saw" by Sara Groves. Her lyrics seem to meet my emotions quite perfectly these days. Once again, I'm reminded of what a wonderful gift music is and am so grateful for skilled writers!
I want to be able to share stories with you about my recent trip to Cambodia. The problem is, right now, all I can think of are the stories that are not so fun to tell :-(
I mean, I can still share them with you. And, maybe they will even lead you to greater times of prayer for the people I know and love or maybe they will give you the courage to share some of your own "not so fun to tell" stories. That would be a good thing, right?
While in Phnom Penh I was able to see many of the people I'd hoped to reconnect with. There was one big difference in being there this time though. It was like I was able to feel all the emotions that were alive around me for the first time. I think that while I was living there for nearly 6 months I simply let every part of my life become routine and in doing so was able to stop myself from feeling the raw emotions that could have easily accompanied any given day.
Returning to Kids Club at Wat Phnom was so great....for the first ten minutes. Then, I just found myself sitting in the middle (quite literally, they were ALL OVER ME) of a group of 20 kids who I've spent countless hours with. But, this time I felt pain. It was painful to watch as my 4 year old friend so easily went up to any stranger and asked for....wel, anything he could get really. This is how he and his 6 year old sister spend their days-begging for food, money, water. All of a sudden the reality that this is NOT right came crashing down on top of me as never before. It was painful to think about what happens each night (drug deals, transvestites selling themselves, currupt police officers adding to the chaos, children wandering aimlessly and unsupervised....oh, the list could go on....) in the very park where we have club each day. THIS IS WHERE THESE SWEET ONES ARE GROWING UP. And, it hurt, a lot.
I visited my friends in Svay Pak, the village where I'd spent every morning, the very same village that was written about in Gary Haugen's book, Terrify No More. From June through October I would arrive each morning with any of my various teamates and we would be blown away at the joy with which we were met! Our students were eager to learn, the younger kids were LOUDLY singing whatever the newest Bible song was that they'd been taught the afternoon before and the young women along with the Pastor's wife were all chatting and laughing in the kitchen as they prepared for lunch later that day....always lots of fun! This time though, I was met by my dear friends who are still grieving the loss of their son, Daniel, earlier this year. The reality of such strong leadership mourning was thick and heavy (as mourning usually is). One of my brothers there told me about his 30 year old sister-in-law who had just been diagnosed with stomach cancer and sent home to die. We prayed-he prayed for my eyes and I prayed for his family. This morning I got an email telling me that his sister-in-law, Pov, has gone to be with Jesus. I cried...and will probably cry some more.
My mind is too tired to keep making sense of the things I felt during my short visit. Maybe in a few days I'll have the energy for more.....
For now, please join with me in prayer in whatever way you feel led. Thank you for coming along for the journey...it's certainly not over yet.
And, it certainly does not end in despair. My God is a Redeemer and He is already redeeming in Cambodia. I will continue to look for the hope in each story. And I also promise that I won't be afraid to share some of pain as well....I believe that He allows us to feel the pain so that we will be able to experience joy in all of its fullness.
Yes, Lord, I will live with the pain for a time because I KNOW the joy of Your glory in every circumstance is more than worth it!
Yes, Lord, I will live with the pain for a time because I KNOW the joy of Your glory in every circumstance is more than worth it!
My heart is with yours Yvonne, for these beautiful people. I wanted to ask you at church yesterday how your visit had been but I figured that was a loaded question and I wasn't looking for a one word answer that a quick conversation passing by each other at church affords. Thatnks for sharing the details, even the hard ones. Our prayers will continue!
ReplyDeleteLove you, friend. I'm praying. I'll never forget sitting on that gym floor in Svay Pak and just crying and crying, thinking of those sweet little children and what they endure. Thinking of my own daughters. So much pain. Praying God gives you (and me) the strength to pray and do rather than let the pain paralyze us.
ReplyDeleteOh Yvonne. It makes some emotions seem so shallow when confronted with the deep wells of compassion afforted to those who are willing to step out in faith and care. It's risky business to allow our hearts to care so strongly, and yet, when confronted by the smiles and tenderness of children, how can we NOT care?
ReplyDeleteWhen our Father in Heaven is our refuge, there's no limit to what we can do to see his kingdom spread on earth. ...oh, to run to him for help. To lean on him for comfort, knowing he's the one shouldering our calling...what we have to give. Trusting in him is the only thing that gets us through. He does what we can't. He's a good man.
I love you Yvonne. I'm blessed to be your friend.
Priscilla, thank you so much for all of your prayers and support! It means a ton to me that you and Mark stand with me on this journey. I'm glad you read this...sometimes, though still quite tough, it's a bit easier to get things out through writing.
ReplyDeleteMarla, as always, your prayers for me are very valued...knowing that someone else who has been to the very places I love, has walked the same ground and prays to our Father on behalf of the very same children at Kids Club in S.P. gives me a sense of companionship that I know is a gift from Him. Thank you, friend.