Being Taught by the Kids

Today was such a good day!

This morning I decided that I was not going to do ANY admin work at the center.  That meant I got to spend our three hour long morning being with the kids and our staff, WOOHOO!!!

On any Monday-Thursday morning from 8:30-11:30 there are various English, computer and playroom classes going on in the building.  Playroom is a unique setting where the boys come in for one hour at a time and sit in small groups of about 3-5 with one or two Khmer staff members.  During this hour the kids play with various legos, erector sets, playdough, race cars, do puzzles, read books....all while building relationships with our staff who are being trained in play therapy techniques.

Once a week we get a special treat when our friend Kim comes to visit! She and her family (husband and two sons) live in Cambodia and when she comes to the center she usually brings a fun science lesson to share with us! Once it was making volcanoes, another time we talked about the bones in our bodies and another we made kazoos out of straws! She also brings her sons with her-a 5 year old and a 3 year old.

Kim and her family have only been here for a few months so they are just beginning to learn the language.  This does not inhibit her boys from jumping right in and playing with "our" boys though! Today I was filled with gratitude, joy and....well, awe, really...as I watched her 5 year old son P. and one of our 9 year old boys, D., play together....

As soon as they saw each other this morning P. and D. began speaking with each other in the fragments of English D. has learned and Khmer P. has picked up.  They sat together in the "quiet room" and completed two puzzles.  It was so fun to watch because they were not just sitting next to each other working independently on different sections of the puzzles but they were truly cooperating to put together the entire picture.  These boys have only known each other for about 6 weeks and only interact once a week for an hour!  I LOVE the honesty of being a child and I especially love that these boys show each other kindness, acceptance and generosity.  This is what the Kingdom of God will be like....and even better :-)

Jesus tells us in Matthew 18 that unless we become like children we will not enter heaven.  I am so grateful for the opportunity He gave me to learn from these two today!  They do not even give any attention to their very obvious differences instead they saw their common goal and seized the opportunity to help one another, learn some new words from one another and have lots of fun together while doing these things!

Lord, would You help me to step out in courage in spite of the obvious differences....I long to enjoy simply living life alongside my brothers and sisters here without fear of mispronouncing a word, without hesitation at doing something differently than I've done in the past and without pride in ideas and theories that I think are THE right ones....I long to stand next to staff members and see these boys through YOUR eyes so we will see the same things in them, I want to stand with these boys You've put in front of me and hear YOUR words of Truth, Freedom and Promise for their lives so that I can join You in speaking them out in English and Khmer!

Verbally Processing the Past 48 Hours

I've said before that writing helps me to make sense of things. I'm a verbal processor and well, there are just a few less people for me to process with here so not only has the Lord been showing me in such wonderful ways that He always wants to hear my thoughts but He has also been reminding me of the outlet that writing can be.

The past 2 days have been filled with some pretty crazy things happening.....I'm warning you now that some of the things written below are not lighthearted and maybe you don't want to know, it's okay with me if you don't read this blog.  I just needed a place to make sense of the things that have going around in my mind.

Here is my attempt to begin to figure out all that happened during the past 48 hours....

• My Khmer sister prayed for my ear that had been stopped up with water, she also prayed for my eyes and thanked God for the leader that I am and for my heart for Cambodia....best part-she prayed in Khmer and I understood about 85% of it!
• Upon returning to work on Monday morning after a week off I was greeted by 5 of my favorite boys with hugs, high fives and "sok sabai, kinyom nuk Yvonne"'s (How are you? I missed you!)
• The Khmer fire marshal showed up unannounced (as many things are here) and proceeded to charge us money to purchase 2 additional fire extinguishers and stickers to put on all of our fire extinguishers which they will come back and reinspect in six months....
• I celebrated a dear friends 65th birthday at a new restaurant.  This lady amazes me....she grew up in Phnom Penh as part of a missionary family. She lived in N.Y.C. for 30 years. She lost her husband a few years ago and is now living in Phnom Penh again and working with us! Our Khmer staff call her "yay" which is a very endearing term for grandma :-)
• I found out that one of little girls at Wat Phnom has a broken leg from a moto accident!
• I ate cold chicken and rice for breakfast :-)
• I thought about studying Khmer
• I listened as Panha told me that one of the boys who had been sold for sex last march came to him this morning and told him that he is still being sexually abused at home. My heart broke and I had no clue as to what to do next. (Now though, twelve hours later, he will have a meeting with a trauma counselor tomorrow afternoon....positive steps in a positive direction....remembering that one day ALL THINGS will be made right...)
• During playroom I was served the BEST imaginary coffee, fried rice and duck egg by my favorite seller, K., and he didn't even charge me any money for my meal :-)
• The staff had a great "meeting" where we played a game much the opposite of Jenga-each person picked one block and had to stack on top of the person before them. We then used this game to teach about the Tower of Babel....so fun to watch 20 something year old Khmer guys laugh and get all nervous about the next block!
• I thought about studying Khmer (yep, I thought about it more than once...)
• I spent hours putting financial info into a spreadsheet....ugh!
• I clarified the words "cooperation" and "corporation" 
• I shared Oreos with Ruthie
• I ate an ice pop made of peach juice while listening to worship music....best 20 minutes ever....
• I watched as 15 boys eagerly crowded around a world map as we pointed out different countries.
• I prayed for wisdom, courage and eyes to see things as He sees them for myself and the staff as we deal with kids who are being sold, kids who steal, kids who don't respect things that belong to other people....kids who are creative, kids who are persistent, kids who WILL grow up to men of integrity...
• My 4 year old friend, P., and I had pork and rice for lunch.
• I watched the sunset out my kitchen window....sweet
• Was gonna study Khmer ten minutes before my lesson....then my "loke crew" (teacher) came 15 minutes early.....Hey, I thought about it
• I did the dishes and hung my clothes up to dry while Jesus and I talked about the awful things happening to that one family...and that other family....and this kid and that one....He reminded me that He is sovereign and that He cares for them and loves them even more than I could ever want to....

I'm glad He's in charge.  It means I can breathe. It means that at the end of the day things won't come crumbling to pieces around me....and, if it seems like they have....He'll show me what my part is in the repairing process as long as I'm listening.

Sea Cow

I have Khmer lessons twice a week and during the past two weeks when I have a lesson I've been speaking about 90% of the time in Khmer (dramatic increase in the amount of Khmer spoken!).

Tonight my "loke crew" (teacher) and I were talking about our day at work and he relayed a story that I was very proud of myself for understanding completely in Khmer (which was demonstrated when I laughed at the appropriate moment) and I think you'll enjoy this story as well.

No, I can't write a single Khmer symbol so my retelling will be done in English :-)

Today during an English lesson the teacher was using a children's book about manatees.  The book was being read entirely in English. The students, a group ranging in age from five to twelve, were really enjoying the book. They liked the pictures and were learning lots of new English vocabulary.

One page told about the fact that a manatee is also sometimes called a "sea cow" (I did not know that until today, did you??).  A five year old boy burst into hysterical laughter as this page was read.

Here's the thing, in Khmer when you speak the words "sea" and "cow" they have very different meanings than in English.

If you say the word "sea", in English phonetics just as it is written, you are saying "eat" in reference to an animal. Example, "the dog eats bones" would be "the dog sea bones" (well, okay, "the", "dog" and "bones" are not pronounced the same in Khmer...don't misunderstand and think Khmer is simple).

And, the word "cow", pronounced just as it is written, means.....pants.

Ahem....so...."the manatee is also called a sea cow".....and cue adorable five year old laughter as he pictures a manatee eating pants :-)

Different Lives, Same God

Today a very sobering thought came to my mind.

I spent an hour this evening with one of my Khmer friends. The original intention was for me to be learning the language during this hour. But, my friend certainly had a lot on his mind.  Thoughts of a sibling who recently had dengue fever and spent a few days in the hospital setting the family back a bit financially, thoughts about a test tomorrow, thoughts of decisions that will effect the future, thoughts about responsibilities at work, thoughts of clients we both work with who are having a rough time right now....By no means an easy load to be carrying.

And, when my lesson (which, today, was more of a good conversation with my younger brother about life) was over he left to go home. It was pouring rain and he drove his moto about 20 minutes to get there.

So, he left and I walked into my bedroom.....and that's when I was hit with reality.

You see, I so desperately wanted to tell my friend to go home and get some rest, some time alone, some down time.  I wanted him to get to a physical place where he could truly rest. But, I didn't say that because even as I thought it I knew it wasn't possible for him.

And yet, there I stood in my LARGE bedroom, so large it's almost the size of where he, his 3 brothers and parents all live together.  It was quiet in my room. I had a fan on and could've even turned on the air con if I'd wanted to. I could set my iPod to a worship playlist and drown out the rest of Cambodia. I could peacefully sit on my balcony and enjoy the rain not having to worry about my apartment flooding.

And, 20 minutes away people I know and love live such a different life....in fact, I'm sure that quite less than 20 minutes away people God loves live quite a different life than I do.

I grew up in inner city America.  Until I was in my 20's I thought living life was about surviving, at best!  Each day was a new challenge to "make do with what ya got". Don't even bother having wants, dreams, needs that are beyond what's right in front of you because nobody will listen and there's no way to make things any better.

During college I began to understand His love for me, during the past year I've grown to know how my Father longs to care for His daughter. And IT IS GOOD.  During the past few years the Holy Spirit has been recreating the way I think and perceive things.  I believe that I am worth being loved. I believe that His desire is for the best for my life. I look at each and every way He has redeemed, provided for and guided me and I'm enormously grateful.

So, I sit here on my bed typing on my laptop. And I'm grateful. Not simply for the material things for I've learned not to cling tightly-one tuktuk ride and my Kindle is broken, one drop of my camera at Wat Phnom and it won't work anymore, one speck of strawberry lemonade powder gets outside its container and the ants have infiltrated the entire thing :-) No, this gratitude is so much deeper-it runs all the way into my soul, deep, deep down so that I can praise Him for the circumstances of my life because He has brought me through it all to right where I am today.

As for my friend....he belongs to the same loving, providing, sovereign God I do. I know he'll seek the rest and peace He desires to give and because my friend seeks, our God will come through.

It probably will look a bit different from what I call peace and rest....and that makes glad. If God provided in the same way for each of us, I wouldn't be learning nearly as much from my Khmer brothers and sisters.

How about you? Has He shown you how grand His plan is, that He provides for and interacts with each of us so uniquely?

Jesus, I love the way You know each one of us so very well. Thank You for Your promise of providing rest and peace when we seek You. Thank You for the ways You've directed my life to bring to right where I am. Thank You for the ways in which You direct the lives of my friends...those in Cambodia, those who are reading this right now...Thank You that You are so very trustworthy and good.

L-O-N-G Days Filled with Honor and Love

It's 6:15pm as I begin to type this. I'm sitting on my couch, watching an amazingly beautiful sunset out my window and feeling quite grateful that I got home early today.

Days have been l-o-n-g the past two weeks with an amazing, very energetic, Kingdom minded short term team here with us. Each day is jam packed with things to do and I do enjoy having so much to be part of! Last week, there was so much I wanted to come home and write about each day for all of you to read. But....I came home and tiredness and Modern Family won out on the nights when I didn't already have plans :-)

So tonight, I'll just write about today instead of trying to catch up on the past.  Maybe I'll get to some of those great stories, someday.

Today.....
I woke up at 5:15am and for those of you who have ever seen me before 8:30am, you are well aware that I was quite incoherent for a while.  I did, however, have an iced coffee since I cold brewed it last night and I listened to music for about an hour.  These things work miracles for my morning mood!

Rode a half hour to the boys center, arrived at 7:15, the team ate their breakfast of yogurt, fruit and pastries.

I like what's been happening at 7:30!  The team, us Western H.P.C. members and our 9 Khmer staff members (8 guys, 1 girl) all have a devotional time together that usually ends with about 20 minutes of worship (a few of our Khmer brothers are excellent worship leaders!) and prayer.

At 8:15 a small group heads out to Wat Phnom where they lead Kids Club for 2 hours followed by about an hour of family visits with some of our regular kids.

Another small group stays at the boys center and continues the painting, cleaning, organizing that has been going on.

My group was the group that got to go out into the neighborhood
this morning. I was particularly excited about today because we were going to visit a family I've come to love so much. I wrote about their story earlier this year here.

Things have begun to change for this precious family. My friend, Panha, who is also one of our Khmer staff members, led the mother and grandmother to the Lord about a month ago! They have also moved from where they were living on the streets to a room (it has walls, a roof and a bathroom) in one of the slum areas of the city.  Might be the slum but, it's certainly a step up from where they were....

I hadn't seen them yet since I've been back. The family consists of the mom, the grandma, the father (he's an alcoholic and not usually around) and 6 children ranging in age from 17 down to about 9 months. Three of the kids now attend school through another organization here.

We were going with the intention of teaching the women how to pray and bringing them a large plastic barrel for them to collect water in since their water only runs for about 4 hours per day.  They need water for many things during the day such as bathing, cooking, washing clothes....

When we arrived we were greeted by my 4-year old friend who should've been in school. We came to find out that this past weekend he had cut his hand on a nail in the door, this makes perfect sense to me, he's quite the active little guy!

Have no fear though-18-year old Panha to the rescue! I mean seriously, he has loved them persistently for the past year including when we found out some horrific news about them, he's led the adult females of this family to the Lord and he has been a social worker in helping them get their home and the kids into school!

Then today! Today he pulls out the first aid kit, puts on some gloves and cleans and bandages physical wounds! (Have I ever mentioned how very much I learn about Jesus from my Khmer brothers...well, be assured, I learn a ton).

So, we, all 7 of us plus the 5 members of the family who were home sat on the floor as Panha simultaneously told me to practice my Khmer with the family and fixed our young friend up.

And we did give them that barrel for the water too :-)

It was SO GOOD to be back in the same country, to be able to encourage not only Panha but also the rest of our Khmer staff. To not have to wait for Skype delays but to be able to look them in the eye and tell them that they are truly bringing His Kingdom into the darkness of this world....that's my absolute favorite part about being here in person.....

Phew, and that's just what I did before 11:30am!!

I'm honored to be here, honored to see His love for His people regardless of the language we speak, the choices we make and the way others perceive us....He loves us all the same.

First Month Back in Cambodia!

This first month back in Cambodia seems like it has gone by very quickly all of a sudden! Here are a few highlights from this month that I'd like to share with you:

-My roommate, Steph, and I were so blessed that we were able to come straight from the airport to our very own apartment! This arrangement was set up for us by our good friend, Ruthie with the help of one of my Khmer brothers, Panha. Our apartment is wonderful, we each have our own bedroom and bathroom, we get a beautiful breeze most days which is indeed a luxury and we even have (drumroll please....) a washing machine! Now, I can do my laundry and have it be dry all within 9 hours (as long as it doesn't rain!).

-I have had the opportunity to finally meet face to face with 3 friends who I have only known via the Internet. I'm constantly amazed at the connections the Lord allows me to make with people who He knows will either be blessings to me on this journey or who I will be able to bless in one way or another.

-It felt so good to go back to Kids Club. I was able to reconnect with some of the families I'd worked with last year, some of them have grown in healthy ways and others are still very much struggling.  The best part about returning to Kids Club was watching my Khmer brothers as they have become so much more capable of running the program with very minimal assistance from our foreign staff!

-The Hard Places Community has hired 5 more male Khmer staff members. I have enjoyed getting to know each of them this past month. Every one of them has a desire to see young boys being cared for, looked after, educated and most importantly, surrendered to the Lord.

Some things I'd love for you to join with me in prayer for include:

-Language! Oh goodness, being gone for 7 months has certainly taken its toll on my ability to communicate in Khmer. Please pray that I would not be discouraged by all I've temporarily forgotten and that I would not let fear stop me from speaking the Khmer I do know.

-that we (the H.P.C.) would all be patient with His timing for the renovations being made to the Boys Center building. We're all so excited about what the future holds that some days it's difficult to stand in the present needs of making our center safe and reliable.

I'm so glad that you are part of this adventure with me! Thank you very much for participating by reading these updates, sending encouraging words and praying with me.

Monday Night in a New Place

Right now it is 6:45pm and I am sitting in my living room in Cambodia, watching the Cosby Show.

Bet you didn't expect that....

Well, yep, that's what I'm doing here on a Monday night. Because, it makes life feel normal.

I've been back for about 10 days now.  And, I have truly realized that this season is really not the same as the last one I spent here.
It was very easy to tell myself (as well as others) that truth while I was in America. It's quite another thing to be here and live it.

It's been tough coming back after 7 months of being gone. I was in the States longer than I was in Cambodia last year (I was here for 5 months) and that wasn't my original intent when I left in November.
I've forgotten so much pia-saa Khmer (Khmer language) that I feel like I'm having to start all over again.
I live in a new neighborhood with new streets, new neighbors, new things that will eventually become familiar.
The kids at Kids Club have all grown (which is great!) and there are all these new ones...certainly many changes in that ministry and much of it is wonderful to observe. That's it though, right now, I'm just an observer in many things here until I get fully settled in again.
I'm having to pray about where my niche will be...there are many opportunities since we're in the process of hiring more Khmer staff members and officially cleaning out and opening the Boys Center.  Lots of new and exciting things to be part of!

Yet, this means that lots of things are simply different than they were last year.  I've found some time to spend with Jesus, letting go of the last season here, sitting before Him, trusting Him, knowing that He has the best possible plans for His glory and my life.

So, yes, on a Monday night my roommate, Steph, and I watched the Cosby Show on our little tv in our apartment. And, it made life feel normal for a bit. I could just laugh at a familiar sitcom and forget the circumstances around me.  It was good and I was glad for it.

How YOU can Partner With Me

If you would like to receive monthly updates please let me know via email orphan2apostle@gmail.com

If at any time you would like to partner financially you may do so through one of the following ways:

• Contact me via email with your mailing address and I will make sure you get the paperwork you need for funds to be directly withdrawn from your account on a monthly basis. orphan2apostle@gmail.com 
• Go to my blog and click on the Donate button on the right side bar. This allows you to give via your debit/credit card or PayPal account.  Funds will go directly into my account with International Outreach Ministries (I.O.M.)
• Send a check including a slip of paper with my name on it made payable to I.O.M. to:

Yvonne Stiles c/o I.O.M.

P.O. Box 2140

McComb, MS 39649

Here is what my monthly budget in Cambodia looks like:

$150-monthly salary for one of our Khmer staff members who is at Kids Club everyday, translates for us, teaches English to adult males who work in massage parlors (questionable places...) and teaches me Khmer.

$300-rent (2 bedroom apartment with real beds, an oven and a tv) and utilities (Internet, cell phone, electricity, water, trash)

$200-food (this includes being able to buy a good iced coffee/smoothie once a week a.k.a.- a bit of sanity!)

$200-transportation-this cost has gone down some as I am more confident to ride around on motos which are much more economical!

$75-ministry expenses-this includes things such as buying snacks for Kids Club, buying art supplies as needed, treating our Khmer staff to a meal every now and then...etc.

$75-Miscellaneous (laundry detergent, toiletries, visa expenses, savings for airfare back to the States...etc.)

Total-$1,000

15 Days and Some Final Needs Before Heading Back to Cambodia!

15 days from now I'll be in the midst of my 29 hour journey to Cambodia....

All of a sudden, that does not seem very far away at all! I'm so excited to begin this new season of life there though, I can't wait to see all that God has planned!

There are 2 specific areas of financial need that I'm hoping to have filled before I leave.  I'd like to give you the opportunity to pray and see if the Lord might ask you to be involved in either of them.

• I still need $200 in partnership each month.  This can happen through as many as 20 people choosing to partner with $10/month or as little as 2 people at $100/month.  Please remember, no amount is too small (or too large...)-it all adds up together!
• In order to be able to move into the apartment my roommate and I have been looking at I will need $600 as a security deposit.

If you would like to take part in seeing these needs fulfilled you may do one of the following:

• Contact me via email with your mailing address and I will make sure you get the paperwork you need for funds to be directly withdrawn from your account on a monthly basis.
• Go to my blog and click on the Donate button on the right side of the home page. This allows you to give via your debit/credit card or PayPal account.  Funds will go directly into my account with International Outreach Ministries (I.O.M.) www.orphan2apostle.blogspot.com 
• Send a check including a slip of paper with my name on it made payable to I.O.M. to:

Yvonne Stiles c/o I.O.M.

P.O. Box 2140

McComb, MS 39649

Please continue to pray that I would end this season well and transition into the new one in Cambodia with complete peace and confidence (as I have right now) in what God is up to.

As always, thank you, thank you for your continued support and encouragement.

5 Years Later...Still Missing Jenn

Jenn and I just a few weeks before she met Jesus face to face :-) We'd just enjoyed a long day filled with laughter!

Today marks 5 years since my dear friend, Jennifer Leghorn, went home to be with Jesus. She was 21 and celebrated her 22nd birthday, May 10, in Heaven.  I think parties in Heaven are going to 
be the most fun things EVER!


I find myself thinking about Jenn so much lately.  When we were in college she was going to be a missionary and I was going to teach 2nd grade....Now, I'm a missionary....I don't think any of us would've ever seen that one coming :-)  I still miss my friend, a lot.  During the past few months I've re-discovered the adventurous side (a story for a whole other blog!) and gosh I miss her as I do things like ride motos through Cambodian streets, go rock climbing and dream about para-gliding and mountain biking on a tandem bike :-)  Can't wait til eternity when we can do these things together!!


The rest of this blog is 2 posts I've written in previous years to honor who Jenn is....not was but is.  She is very much alive and well at this very moment because of the gift she chose to receive from our wonderful Savior Who gave her eternal life...Thank You Jesus for eternity and for my friend Jenn. 


"Hope and Courage Offered Through friendship-written May 8, 2008


May 9th 2006 was a Tuesday. I remember waking up that morning at Shalom retreat center. I spent the morning sitting with friends as we all participated in our very last session of something we called "The God Story". We had all been on a journey together during the past nine months-a journey of discovering how alive God's word is, a journey of discovering what it means to live in community (and what it doesn't mean as well) and particularly for me a journey of learning to trust God's love in my life.

We all listened intently as images of heaven filled the room, we were going through the book of Revelation paying special attention to the hope presented in the book. We talked about eternity, the joy of being with Jesus always. We talked about victory, the joy of overcoming death and pain. We talked about worship, the joy of praising Jesus without ever ceasing.

As soon as we had finished our last worship song a strange feeling of urgency came over me. I knew I needed to get to my phone. Everyone knew I was on a retreat in the-middle-of-nowhere-Kansas and so I wouldn't be able to get to my phone yet there was a new voicemail. It was my friend simply telling me to call as soon as I could.

I knew immediately what she was going to tell me. Our good friend Jenn had been fighting cancer for the past four years and this was the end. I called her back anyway and she only confirmed what I already knew in my heart. I stood there shakily holding the phone and could do nothing except melt into a puddle of tears. A few of my close friends surrounded me and prayed. The next few days were a blur as I tried to focus on the task at hand-bringing closure to this chapter in my life called Transit. I didn't let the grief come, I swallowed it so that I could be present during our graduation ceremonies and then I left for a month overseas.

I miss Jenn often. Last Sunday a worship song at church brought back memories of her after chemo treatments and I felt the sadness as if it were a punch in the stomach. So sudden and so real. Sometimes when I share ice cream with friends I remember the last time she and I had ice cream-it was the fourth of July and she wasn't well enough to go to a concert at Jones Beach as we'd planned so instead we had ice cream :-) During Transit she would send me "care packages" (her way of making sure that everyone in Kansas City knew that I was loved by people in New York) and I recently found a sticky note she'd attached to a card, it says, "Pray for me, I need it to beat this stupid cancer."

And we did pray. My friends and I prayed hard...in the beginning. Then, it sort of became commonplace that Jenn just had cancer. It didn't stop her from doing the things that she was passionate about-she still volunteered as a youth leader, she still worked at the campus library, she still got A grades in Professor Poston's classes. Although she had cancer it was never what defined her, at least not to those of us who really knew her.

I know that this has gotten rather lengthly and I really could just keep writing about all that Jenn was. I am just so very grateful that the Lord blessed me with the privilege of calling her friend and even sister. Last November I was on a retreat and Jesus prompted me to write her a letter, this is part of what it said,
"I think about how well I was loved by you even though we never talked about 'that stuff'. I think about your will to live life to the fullest. Jenn, you knew that life was rough and unfair but still you enjoyed it. You chose to trust Jesus despite so many things. You have given me so much hope and so much courage. Thank you for your example in choosing to follow and trust Him."

If you knew Jenn may you be reminded of her courage and hope, celebrate her this week-that is what she would want. If you did not know Jenn please think of those whose lives show you hope and give you courage-thank them and thank God for His blessings in your life."


"Loss=written May 12, 2006


I lost a part of my life last Tuesday. For the past five years I knew someone who was an amazing woman. Her name was Jennifer, but everyone called her Jenn. She was one of a kind. She had the most beautiful eyes. They were always filled with joy and hope because more than anything she knew that her Jesus was real and everpresent.
She had a zeal for life that was unmatched. She loved to camp, mountain-bike, kayak...anything that had a hint of adventure to it was meant for her!
She possessed such real tenacity and dilligence. I could always count on her courseload consisting of the maximum number of credits allowable each taught by the most challenging professors. She never earned less than a B in any class.
Jenn was a fighter. She battled abandonment from a young age and came out of it with a desire for all to belong. She battled parents who never really knew her and her last words to them were that she loved them and wanted them to know that she is alive and well with Jesus.
Her greatest battle was a three and half year all out war against a cancer that she so unaffectionately named Jezebel. She endured three rounds of Chemo, each one sending her into a short lived remission.
Jenn was one of my best friends. During the past five years we have laughed together countless times! We cried together, fought with God together, shared sarcasm....sometimes a bit too much :) Two weeks ago, I had the honor of being in her company one last time.
Last Tuesday, May 9th, Jenn went to be with Jesus. She told me not to be sad, she will be in heaven and it will be truly amazing. She will have new mountains and streams to explore everyday...and for that I am grateful, I am so glad to think about her spending her 23rd birthday on May 10 with Jesus....alive and well......But, I am so sad for the loss of my friend. My heart hurts more than I thought possible. We will never have another moment together in this life, the ones we've had will have to suffice until we meet again. The tears are coming now.......again........I feel the ache of a friend lost."

Missionary Moses and me

I've been thinking a lot about Moses lately. His story is really a great one. Born during a time when he should have been killed-just for being born!-he had a mom who let the Holy Spirit lead her to risk everything in order to save his life. She hid him for 3 months then sent him in a basket adrift on the Nile. 


God really did have BIG plans for this boy. 


Not only was he found, he was found by none other than Pharaoh's daughter! AND, (I love this part!) she offers to pay Moses' own mother to care for him as a young child! 

When he gets a bit older he is sent back to the Pharaoh's daughter and grows up as an Egyptian. Oh, wait, not just any Egyptian but royalty. 


So, this little boy was born and should have died. Not only is his life spared but his mother gets to watch him grow then he is given the honor of being treated as royalty-God's big picture is much more grand than we ever imagine.

One day, God speaks to Moses and his life is never the same....sound familiar to anyone else?

God allows Moses the privilege of fighting on behalf of an oppressed people. And, not only fighting for their freedom but, fighting for their freedom so that they can enter into relationship with the one true God (yep, missionary).

Sounds kinda great doesn't it? Fighting for justice. Fighting on behalf of people who need someone to fight for them. Fighting to see people enter into relationship with God....I like the sound of those kinds of things!

But, were I Moses, would I have liked it?

Moses had to go before the King...and demand that he stop oppressing the Hebrews. Moses didn't know the Hebrews, they were a foreign people to him but he was moved with fierce passion to see them treated justly (did I mention, I think Moses was a missionary?). In order for this to happen he went to Pharaoh and told him that if he wouldn't let the Hebrews go awful things would happen to the Egyptians.

This is where I'm not sure I would've been able to do what Moses did...when Pharaoh didn't let the people go it was Moses' job to initiate all kinds of awful plagues on the Egyptians (frogs, boils, locusts, darkness...eventually the death of every firstborn son). 
For the sake of justice for one group of people he watched as destruction came upon another group. Pharaoh was the one making the decisions and the plagues came upon ALL of the Egyptians.

I just don't know that I would have had the strength to watch hardship come upon an entire group of people based on their King's hardheaded decision. I'm certain that the only thing that would've kept me going would have been the knowledge that God told me to....

But, then again....

If today I had the opportunity to

free orphans... 

or child prostitutes... 

or homeless people.... 

or widows....

 from oppression 

and lead them into relationship with God 

BUT the condition 

was that I had to initiate and watch destruction come upon an entire people group associated with their oppressors.....what would I do then?

I don't know......other than to say that I'd follow God with all of who I am....His plan is so much bigger than the small, momentary glimpses we get during our time on this earth. Yeah, I'd follow Him.

(I really do not know why the font is different sizes and can't figure out how to change it....sorry!)

Differences

As I've been beginning to prepare for going back to Cambodia I've been putting some serious thought into how I spend money differently there as opposed to here in America.  Some of the difference are really big ones and quite sobering while with others, I'm able to just kind of shake my head at and laugh... As I considered monetary difference I began to remember others and I thought you might like to share in some of my findings:

• In America one 12oz. latte will cost me either $3.50 at Starbucks or $1.10 at QuikTrip.
• In Cambodia, I can get a 20oz. iced coffee with sweet milk for $0.70 or an entire 20oz. french press of coffee for $1.00 (I will admit though that a smoothie or frappuccino type drink does cost anywhere from $3-$5)
• In America a fast food lunch (sandwich, side and a drink) will run you anywhere from $3.50-$8
• In Cambodia I can buy numerous lunch combinations from local vendors for no more than $1.50 (fried rice, a filled pork bun, lettuce wraps, dragonfruit...). However, fast food such as KFC or Pizza Company/Pizza World costs you anywhere from $4-$10 :-)
• Milk. A half gallon of "fresh" a.k.a. "cold" milk will cost about $4.50. 
• It's okay though, because you can buy a cardboard box of "milk" that has been sitting on a shelf for a while for about $2.00 :-)
• Cereal. This one is a big one for me. So, first, I have about 100+ options to choose from here in America. And they cost anywhere from $2-$4.50
• Not so in Cambodia. At the western grocery store I can find 3-5 options during a good week. The prices? Anywhere from $6-$13! (Lucky Charms was once $13.50, no joke)
• Strawberries!!! I am currently enjoying all the wonderfully flavorful fruits I can while I'm in America and saw strawberries on sale today for $0.96/lb.  I know, they can cost as much as $3.50/lb here. 
• But, would you pay $9.60/lb if you were in Cambodia, where, there is not even a word in the Khmer language for strawberry (talk about a delicacy!)? I haven't...yet...I'll let you know if I cave and buy them sometime :-)
• Snacks. When asked to bring a snack to share for a party here in America people bring things like potato chips, popcorn, cookies....
• My Khmer friends bring things such as bags of fried crickets, durian fruit (also called the "smelly fruit") or cans of bright, almost glowing, Fanta.
• Water. When I first got back to America last November I was asked to pay $1.75 for a 20oz bottle of water! No thank you, I'll just go turn on the tap and run it through a filtering pitcher (maybe, if I'm being really picky)
• In Cambodia I would NEVER drink water from the tap and there are no filtering pitchers. BUT, it's all good because I can get a 20oz. bottle for $0.25 or a 5 gallon jug delivered to my apartment for $1 :-)
• In America it will cost you on your electric bill when you do laundry with your washing machine and dryer.
• In Cambodia you'll be charged a minimal amount for the water used while you wash your clothes but the real cost is the TIME you'll spend! And then, please, oh please, don't rain as soon as I've hung my clean-smelling-of-laundry-soap clothes on the line to dry....
• If you were to go into a store here in America without shoes on your feet you'd more than likely be denied service, at the least.
• Go into a store in Cambodia with your shoes ON and you're likely to be scolded and shooed out the door to remove your flip-flops.

These are some of the things I've missed while being in America. Not necessarily missed them because they are all so wonderful but, rather, because each of these differences was discovered for me during some kind of memorable experience with lots of people who I'm so glad to know and have be part of my story :-)

I'm looking forward to going back, to continuing to discover the differences and embrace the memories that will come from each day there.

Awkward Love

Lately, I've been reading A LOT.  I know, some of you are thinking, "Yvonne, you read A LOT all the time..." and, you're probably right. But, I've been reading specifically about love and how men and women have such different experiences with it. So, I guess the correct sentence should be, lately, I've been reading A LOT about love. I'm doing some specific research for the opening of the Boys Center in Camboida.
Lots of people out there have many more years of experience than I do so, for a while, I may just share with you the wisdom from others that stands out to me.

Here's another excerpt from John Eldredge and as for the parts that relate to women, I think I fully agree.  It is not easy for anyone, male or female, to love others and to open ourselves up to the vulnerabilities that come with it.
But, I'm sure gonna keep on tryin' cause it is so worth it for the relationships that grow and mature...

"Honest communication in love is the only way to live and grow in friendships including marriages. There are ebbs and flows. There may be real hurt and disappointment. But with the grace of God firmly holding us, it is possible to nurture and sustain deep friendships. We are designed to live in relationship and share in the lives of others. We need one another. God knows that. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and, in faith, to love. We must also repent.

Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe that God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming . . . a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink, or swear; that's what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing . . . or merely nice?)

Really now-do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is . . . bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. "I've pretty much tried for the last twenty years to be a good man as the church defines it." Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. "Dutiful," he said. "And separated from his heart." A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark.

Men enjoy relationships in which we are challenged, relationships that require more from us than the church expects. As men we long to protectors, we were made to stand up for truth, justice, righteousness.  The enemy of our souls wants us to believe that our voice is not needed-this is a lie.  The enemy wants us to bellieve that our passion in life is evil-this is a lie.

For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her. Fallen Eve demands that people "come through" for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed. Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm. Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)"

(Wild at Heart, 7-8, The Sacred Romance, 44, Captivating, 181-82)

TraffickJam2011-The Need for a Boys Center in Cambodia

Some of you already know this but, I lived in Cambodia for 6 months last year and am planning on returning long term this coming June.

One of the major projects I worked on while there was to begin a program that provides a safe place for young boys in Phnom Penh who are at risk of being sold for sex or who are already being sold.  I got to meet and build relationships with 26 boys between the ages of 4 and 14.  Each of these boys would come to the Kids Club program I helped to begin.  The program was held Monday-Friday for 2 hours.  We would play games, sing songs, make crafts, share a Bible story, eat snack together and simply get to know each other! These were always my FAVORITE 2 hours of the day!!!

The next step for this project is for the Hard Places Community to open our own center for these boys! In order to do this we need quite a bit of funding.

Will you consider taking part in a nationwide Walk-A-Thon to raise funds for us to be able to open our Boys Center this summer?

This event is open to ANYONE IN ANY STATE in the U.S. 

All you need to do is 

1. Sign up on the TraffickJam Website or email the coordinator listed for your State

2.  Have a group of friends (your colleagues at work, your church, your friends on campus....whoever you want!) who want to participate with you 

3.  Choose a 10 mile route in your area (if you are the coordinator for your area)

4.  Ask at least 10.people to sponsor you $10!

You will receive all kinds of support along the way, flyers to give out to people and sponsor envelopes. Each member of your team will  also get a t-shirt :-) 

If you are interested or have questions please let me know or go straight to the TraffickJam Website. You can also "like" us on our Facebook page.

This blog, the website and the Facebook page all have stories about boys who we are currently working with, so please feel free to read them and pass them on!

We are hoping to get at least one group of walkers from EVERY STATE so, even if you can't participate, please spread the word! Pass this email along, post it to your Facebook/Twitter page...help get the word out.

Thank you so much for considering how you can help bring an end to modern day slavery by partnering with TraffickJam!

Here is a video that presents our vision....

Let me know what you think and please contact me with any questions at all!

Not Little Boys Anymore

I have 2 younger brothers who live in New York City. Glen is 19 and Kyle just turned 18 on March 7th. Gosh, I love those boys! Well, I guess they're not so much "boys" anymore, huh?

That doesn't really matter to me because I have the memories of when they were....and those memories will always make me smile:

• When Kyle was learning to read he once pronounced the word "pineapple" as pin-opp-ahlee.
• When Glen was in first grade, his class did a performance of the Macarena.
• While eating a popsicle, Kyle was famous for the amazing slurping sounds he could make...any old Popice sounded like it was the best thing in the world!
• Glen's favorite movie of ALL TIME was The Land Before Time, we watched it over and over and over and....over.
• We had a rabbit (don't ask how we had a rabbit living in Queens, New York City...) and Kyle loved to hide Thumper (that really was the rabbit's name). We'd find him in a wooden box we used to keep potatoes in, we'd find him in drawers and once....we even found him in the dryer (he was okay though!)
• When Glen was learning to talk he couldn't say "sister" so he would call me his 2-year old version of the word, "dita" and he still calls me that...and I love it.
• We used to go to arcades (do those even exist anymore?) on the weekends and they would both use portions of their prize tokens to get little rings, bracelets and what not for my mom and I :-)
• The first meal Glen learned to cook: scrambled eggs in the microwave.
• While doing laundry in the laundromat one time Kyle was intrigued at all the quarters and knew that we needed them for the arcade as well. He looked up at me with huge eyes and a big grin and triumphantly said, "Sister, I'm gonna ask for a million quarters!"'
• We got a dalmatian puppy and were trying to decide what to name him. Kyle suggested, "'Dice, because he looks like dice!", what a creative 4-year old he was! 

These probably don't mean very much to you and that's okay with me.  Just know that to me, these few memories of my brothers are cherished dearly.  It takes quite a bit of effort for me to dig these ones up.  They are buried deep underneath the rubble of the chaos, violence, fear... that the three of us survived together.

And, it's true, Glen and Kyle are not little boys anymore.  Really, they haven't been for a very long time..... They are men and as one of them turned 18 this week he has begun to look at his life and evaluate.  He told me that he had goals for himself, goals that for many 18-year olds would've been quite simple to accomplish (have a driver's license, have a legit job and be nearing high school graduation) but, he hasn't yet.  He has got to figure out how to live a fulfilling life, a life where love matters, a life where it's okay to dream for the future..  He's got to figure these things out without the support system of men to show him what that looks like.

He'll get there....I believe in him, I believe in both of them....I believe in the plan that God has for their lives and for that reason alone I have hope for their futures.

I needed to say that.

May You Be Blessed....

Today is the first day of Lent-the 40 days leading up to Easter Sunday when many take the time to reflect on Jesus' days on earth, especially His time of being tempted in the wilderness.  It is not so much about the fact that Jesus was tempted that means a lot to me, it's much more about how He responded that matters.  Jesus responded in perfection.  He responded in perfection because I cannot, you cannot.  We need His response.  We need what He alone was able to accomplish, it is the only way to be able to have a relationship with the Father, the Holy One. I'm so grateful for His sacrifice so that I can stand before God not only on my own behalf but on behalf of the many people I love in this world.  Through my relationship with the Father I am able to experience true joy, peace, fulfillment....I am made whole because of my relationship with Him. And this only by the sacrifices of Jesus.

This year I am taking part in an online devotional series during Lent (I signed up for ReLENTless Acts of Justice with WorldVision Act:S. All you have to do is enter your name and email address with a name of a church/school and you can get emails during Lent too).

This particular series will focus on learning to emulate Christ in light of six injustices that happen throughout the world today.  It will provide an opportunity for me to look at the things that are commonly seen as normal in everyday life for an American but are luxuries for those in many other parts of the world.

Today's email included this Franciscan blessing.  I think it is great and will be writing it out in my journal....May you be blessed...

"May God b that was compiled less you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen

May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen

May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen."

Prayer is a Weapon...And a Choice.

Yesterday morning I read that great article on prayer and posted it here.  I was so encouraged! I was reminded of how very powerful prayer truly is and was inspired to begin to wield this weapon I've been so freely given and yet use so rarely.

And, I did pray more yesterday than I have on other days.  I found myself praying about all kinds of things throughout my day.  I prayed for my roomate's car as she took it to the shop, I found myself praying for the staff of the church I attend, I prayed for a friend who is a sophomore in college and just beginning to realize how very big the world is and was feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, I prayed for grace and favor to be with another friend who is trying to manage his finances well to be able to do all the things God's put on his heart to do (like return to Cambodia this summer!)....Okay, so I prayed more yesterday than I have on other days (mind you, all these prayers were quite sporadic during the day-each one lasting anywhere from about 4-7 minutes....don't think I was like spending hours upon hours with God...which would have been great but, maybe that'll happen another day).

Then, last night at about 8:00 which is 9:00am in Cambodia my mind drifted to Phnom Penh and Svay Pak.  This is very common, I often wonder about what my friends are doing on the other side of the world.  And, thanks to technology, one of my American teammates in Cambodia was online and we began chatting on Facebook.  I really enjoy being able to connect with her so frequently, it helps me to stay in the loop with what's happening there and it's a great outlet for the both of us as we struggle with things that only those who've been there and experienced firsthand can relate to.

Earlier that morning I'd read an email update from another teammate.  Because it was sent out en mass the details of some stories were vague.  I began to ask questions about a situation that was described in the update.  My friend proceeded to confirm the truth of a situation we'd all been desperately hoping was not reality. Turns out that two of our youngest kids from the Wat Phnom ministry are indeed being sold nightly.  They are both boys, a 6-year old and a 4-year old.

A 4-year old boy who, even when we do have enough evidence and can catch the bad guy, HAS NO PLACE TO GO.  There is not a safe place for boys in Phnom Penh, let alone one where the eternal hope and healing of Jesus is offered.  Yet....

There is not a safe place for boys in Cambodia yet.  There will be because God has given us (the Hard Places Community) His dream for a place of refuge for little ones like this boy and the many others whose stories are very similar to his.  TraffickJam2011 has a mighty purpose in fulfilling this dream....And, I'm excited to see how He will provide!

But, last night and this morning I find myself with a truly broken heart (again).  I wept so hard last night, my stomach hurt and I was so angry at the evil of this fallen world.  Then I remembered about the weapon I've been given....and I was faced with such a clear choice: would I choose to believe that prayer was no match for this horrid situation that is only one of millions and be overcome by despair and hopelessness? Or, would I choose to bravely use what I've been given, knowing that it is prayer that ultimately moves heaven and earth?...not simply my words but my words being added to the power of the One who hears my pleas, the One whose heart is broken so much more than mine will ever be?  Would I belive that if I pray, if I choose to let my prayers rise to His throne with the countless other prayers that surely flood that place on behalf of the same issue, that He would hear and that things will change?

Yikes.  Big decision.  I chose to pray....I prayed through my tears, I cried, I yelled, I was angry, I was hurting. But, I went to my King, the One who has true power and authority in this world. And, I believe that He heard me and I trust that He knows best. His word tells me so; "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8-9.

Sometimes I want to stop feeling, I want to pretend that the little ones He's allowed to know and love in Cambodia are just fine, to not read the updates from teamates....But, my God promises to honor the sacrifice of a broken heart...so I'll continue to seek His heart and walk with Him...Psalm 51:15-17 "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare Your praise. You don't delight in sacrifice or I'd bring it; You don't delight in burnt offerings.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you won't despise."

Today, I'll choose to pray.....because it's what I can do right here, right now.

YOU Have an Important Role to Fulfill!

I came across this article written by Benjamin Nolot who has served in Cambodia and wrote this for an organization called ExodusCry whose mission is to see modern day slavery come to an end. They advocate prayer as the powerful weapon it truly is! I hope that this article spurs you to pray....simply to pray.  Not only for those in Cambodia I've been telling you about but, for people in any place around the world who are oppressed.  Prayer is our most powerful weapon regardless of the shape the enemy takes on.

"After first becoming exposed to the realities of modern-day slavery, people’s common reaction is, “What can I do?” Instantly, people imagine that they have to raid a brothel in Cambodia or witness to a prostitute in Vegas in order to have a real impact. Yet, what is often forgotten in the abolition equation is the very real and integral component of prayer.

Prayer is not just a means for abolition. It is the central means.

In Luke 18 Jesus gives us a key insight into abolition. Through parable, He tells us how God brings justice into unjust situations. As the wisest, most knowledgeable man ever to walk the earth, He could have said many things about this subject. He could have offered us some wisdom in lawmaking or a ‘how-to’ on building judicial systems. He could have given us strategies on outreach or on how to feed the poor. But instead, He highlighted just one simple thing: prayer. Jesus taught that “speedy justice” would come in response to “day and night” prayer (Lk. 18:7-8).

Prayer connects us to the heart of God, defeats the spiritual forces of darkness behind slavery, and releases God’s healing presence in the hearts of those who have been traumatized and exploited––all things we could never do in our own strength.

Past abolitionists have proven the effect of prayer. Four men, in particular, come to mind when thinking about abolitionists through history: Moses, Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, and William Wilberforce. If there’s one defining characteristic that each of these men possessed, it was a life of prayer.

It was through prayer that Moses released the plagues in Egypt that brought about the great exodus of the enslaved Jews.

Jesus routinely spent entire nights in prayer before performing great miracles that set people free.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient.”

William Wilberforce warned, “Of all things, guard against neglecting God in the secret place of prayer.”

These men were completely dependent on God to bring about the abolition they all so deeply longed for. If we want to be the abolitionists that these men were, we must embrace the God-ordained means of abolition. Prayer wasn’t just a precursor to their abolition. It was their abolition.

Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom in suburban America or a full-time practitioner in Southeast Asia, everyone can be an active abolitionist through prayer." -Benjamin Nolot

February Update

I've been back from Cambodia for one month. Hard to believe it's really been that long, it still feels as if it just yesterday I was meeting my friend Veasna at 8:00 in the morning when we would ride on his moto to Wat Phnom.  It has been a bit easier to keep my mind here in the States, although I still think about everyone there at least once a day! I've also been known to speak Khmer to people here and quite frequently have a desire to ride on a moto....which usually goes away pretty quickly when I realize how cold it is outside!


The Lord is always so very gracious to me and He surprises me at every turn that my life takes! Recently, I've been so blessed at how rich and deep my times with Him have been.  I truly love His word and am taking in every moment I can to get to know Him more through it.  I've been reading a lot about David-oh how I hope that when faced with situations where I'd have the opportunity to take God at His word that I would respond with the kind of faith and courage David had!


I've also been working on putting together a video that will be used as presentations are done for TraffickJam.  And....I FINISHED IT LAST NIGHT!!! WOOHOO :-) 


I leave tomorrow for South Carolina where I will do a few presentations at Southern Wesleyan University.  I'm extremely excited about this for 2 reasons: 1-I'll get to help people get pumped up and signed to participate in the TraffickJam walk their school is hosting! and, 2-I'll get to spend a few days with some amazing brothers whom I got to serve with while they were in Cambodia this past summer!!!  It's so great to be able to reconnect with people who've actually been there.


I'm still planning in my heart to return to Cambodia in June. However, I'll need another $500/month in funds to live there.  Please join me in praying for His provision concerning this. And, of course, let me know if you and your family would like to partner with me financially!


If you haven't already read this story on Facebook, then please read Ratanak's story-it's a story of a young man I've known since July and it speaks so clearly of why a boys center is needed in Cambodia.

Ratanak came to the city when he was fourteen like many teenagers do. He came in search of work. He came to live with “Ohm.” Ohm was a distant relative who had been living in the city for several years. She had been selling noodle soup out of her mobile kitchen—two baskets balanced on the ends of a wooden pole she carries on her shoulder. When Ratanak showed up in the city, she told him he could sleep on the straw mat on her floor as long as he was able to bring some income into the household. This would be in addition to what he was expected to send back to his family in the countryside. Within a couple days Ratanak had set himself up with a basket containing bags of shrimp-flavored crackers and air-puffed packets of sandwich cookies in an area where people regularly “dar layng,” or hang out.

 As Ratanak squatted on the sidewalk each
afternoon hawking his goods, he noticed a couple of young men who showed up each afternoon with balls and jump ropes. One day one of the young men approached him and invited him to join in a game of soccer. He eagerly agreed after asking another nearby seller to watch his wares. From then on every afternoon, Ratanak would find his way to the soccer game. He enjoyed playing. He invited other younger children to participate. He began to think of these young men as his older brothers. They really seemed to care about him and his life. He shared with them about living with Ohm. He shared about how he had come from the countryside and about his younger siblings who were still there. He shared about how Ohm had told him that he would not be able to stay with her much longer because she did not have enough money to care for him. He would have to go back to the countryside. Squatting next to his new brother in the shade alongside the road, he shared about his fear.

The truth is that Ratanak had not come to the city to help his family as much as he had to escape them. He shared about his father spending all of the family’s earnings on alcohol. He shared about his father beating him. He shared about the relief he would feel when his father passed out from drinking too much alcohol because that meant he would be safe that night. He shared about his father threatening to kill him. And, though his heart raced with fear, he shared about the night his father took him into the rice field near their home and began to unzip his pants. He shared about how he wriggled free of his father’s grip and ran and ran. He shared about how when he returned to his house in the morning his father told him if he ever came back without pockets full of cash, his father would beat him to death.

Ratanak had been diligently saving money for the day he would see his father again, but no amount of money could alleviate his fear. What if next time he couldn’t escape? What if next time there was nowhere to run? What if next time there was no one to tell?

But, what if next time there was a place of refuge, of safety, of love, of help? That place is coming soon. Hope is not lost for Ratanak and others who know his story as their own.

*Names and details of this story have been changed in order to protect the identity and dignity of those mentioned.

Learning of the Pain That Comes With Love

Oh gosh.....I just don't really know where to even begin....

At the bottom of this post is a video of a the song, "I Saw What I Saw" by Sara Groves.  Her lyrics seem to meet my emotions quite perfectly these days.  Once again, I'm reminded of what a wonderful gift music is and am so grateful for skilled writers!

I want to be able to share stories with you about my recent trip to Cambodia.  The problem is, right now, all I can think of  are the stories that are not so fun to tell :-(

I mean, I can still share them with you. And, maybe they will even lead you to greater times of prayer for the people I know and love or maybe they will give you the courage to share some of your own "not so fun to tell" stories.  That would be a good thing, right?

While in Phnom Penh I was able to see many of the people I'd hoped to reconnect with.  There was one big difference in being there this time though.  It was like I was  able to feel all the emotions that were alive around me for the first time.  I think that while I was living there for nearly 6 months I simply let every part of my life become routine and in doing so was able to stop myself from feeling the raw emotions that could have easily accompanied any given day.

Returning to Kids Club at Wat Phnom was so great....for the first ten minutes. Then, I just found myself sitting in the middle (quite literally, they were ALL OVER ME) of a group of 20 kids who I've spent countless hours with.  But, this time I felt pain.  It was painful to watch as my 4 year old friend so easily went up to any stranger and asked for....wel, anything he could get really.  This is how he and his 6 year old sister spend their days-begging for food, money, water.  All of a sudden the reality that this is NOT right came crashing down on top of me as never before.  It was painful to think about what happens each night (drug deals, transvestites selling themselves, currupt police officers adding to the chaos, children wandering aimlessly and unsupervised....oh, the list could go on....) in the very park where we have club each day.  THIS IS WHERE THESE SWEET ONES ARE GROWING UP.  And, it hurt, a lot. 

I visited my friends in Svay Pak, the village where I'd spent every morning, the very same village that was written about in Gary Haugen's book, Terrify No More. From June through October I would arrive each morning with any of my various teamates and we would be blown away at the joy with which we were met!  Our students were eager to learn, the  younger kids were LOUDLY singing whatever the newest Bible song was that they'd been taught the afternoon before and the young women along with the Pastor's wife were all chatting and laughing in the kitchen as they prepared for lunch later that day....always lots of fun! This time though, I was met by my dear friends who are still grieving the loss of their son, Daniel, earlier this year.  The reality of such strong leadership mourning was thick and heavy (as mourning usually is).  One of my brothers there told me about his 30 year old sister-in-law who had just been diagnosed with stomach cancer and sent home to die.  We prayed-he prayed for my eyes and I prayed for his family. This morning I got an email telling me that his sister-in-law, Pov, has gone to be with Jesus. I cried...and will probably cry some more.  

My mind is too tired to keep making sense of the things I felt during my short visit.  Maybe in a few days I'll have the energy for more.....

For now, please join with me in prayer in whatever way you feel led.  Thank you for coming along for the journey...it's certainly not over yet.

And, it certainly does not end in despair.  My God is a Redeemer and He is already redeeming in Cambodia.  I will continue to look for the hope in each story. And I also promise that I won't be afraid to share some of pain as well....I believe that He allows us to feel the pain so that we will be able to experience joy in all of its fullness. 


Yes, Lord, I will live with the pain for a time because I KNOW the joy of Your glory in every circumstance is more than worth it!

Just 10 Days

Well, my flight back to Cambodia leaves at 6:25am tomorrow! I will stay there for about 10 days and arrive back in Kansas City on Tuesday, January 25th.  Although I'm not headed back for an indefinite amount of time as originally planned I am still very excited about this trip.  I just spent some time with Jesus asking Him about what He has for me during this seemingly very short stay in Phnom Penh.  These are some of the things He shared with me and they really encouraged me so I thought I'd share them with you.


I will spend my time doing a number of things, most of which are directly related to connecting with people who I've grown to know and love through various means; some are children I have the privilege of spending time with as I help to lead Kids Club at Wat Phnom, some are young adults who I've been honored to get to know through teaching English and some are simply friends and colleagues who I'm so blessed to get to live life alongside while I'm there.


I will be able to have a direct hand in transitioning Kids Club to a group of American women who all have made 2 year commitments to Cambodia.  I'm very grateful to be able to pass the baton of this program to people who I know will be able to see it through for a while as opposed to a short term group who would then leave and cause the kids to go through even more changes.  I have been allowed to get to know these kids, to visit some of their homes, to take them on outings, to watch their attitudes towards us as leaders transform  from one of indifference into one where they all eagerly line the street each day waiting for us to show up!  They've all secured themselves in my heart in a very special way and I can't wait to be back in Cambodia this summer with a long term goal of helping to get the Boys Center running!


I will have the opportunity to meet with some of the teens and young adults who I taught English.  I will be able to tell them in person why I am not coming back right now.  My prayer is that through this they will not just see another person who came into their world for a moment and then pulled out because they had things to get back to somewhere else.  When I shared my testimony with them in Svay Pak I told them that I was sharing my story so that we could become friends.  I had no intentions of challenging them to offer their lives to Jesus and then leaving them to wonder at what that really meant.  I told them that I'd be available, that I WANTED, to walk out the journey with them.  And, that is still what I feel the Lord has for me in some of those relationships.  So, it will be very good for me to be able to keep true to my word and to not give them any reason to think that I have chosen to run away from their questions.  It is by our love that the world will know we are His....


Hopefully, I will be able to get some video footage of some of my Hard Places teammates speaking about the issues facing young boys in Cambodia.  I'd also like to get on video a testimony of one of the young men I've met who has given his life to Jesus and is now standing fiercely and firmly against the powers of deception and darkness that once ruled his life.  The powers that still have a strong grip on the lives of so many in Cambodia....but, that WILL change one day, one day soon.  Jesus is raising up a generation of people in Cambodia who are standing up for the Truth, speaking out on behalf of the oppressed and fighting for justice to reign.


I will also be able to share with those I value dearly as brothers and sisters in the Kingdom, both Americans as well as Khmer, the very personal way that the Lord has asked me to follow Him in seeking out His best for my eyesight.  This is not going to be an easy thing for me to give attention to during the next few months and I know that I will not be able to do it alone.  My tendancy will be to push it aside and spend all of my energy in other places.  I do see it as a gigantic, gracious, blessing from the Lord that He is providing me with an outlet to continue to pour into the Boys Center as I travel to promote TraffickJam. But, I am fully aware that this opportunity presented itself only after I chose to yield when He asked me to fight for my eyesight.  I value very highly and covet the prayers of my brothers and sisters in Cambodia along with all of yours as well.


Yes, just 10 days.  10 days that when completed will allow me to come back to the States with a feeling of peace, a knowledge that I did my part in honoring the people I've met and love.  I pray that I will come back feeling settled, settled into this new part of the adventure.  Not only settled but, even anticipating that He is going to meet me in every step, that He has something so specific and so important for the rest of my journey here on this earth, that I MUST be here in order to live out the rest in a way that will bring only more glory to Him.  I'm expecting to learn so much more about who He is and how He cares for people as I submit to Him in what He asks of me concerning my eyesight.  And, I'm excited about all of the things I'll experience, all of the people I'll meet and all of the stories I'll have to share as I promote TraffickJam!


I can't wait...... :-)