Tradition: beliefs or ways of doing things that are passed from generation to generation.
The season of November and December is one that carries much meaning and sentiment, especially in America. I grew up in a city that would be decorated for Christmas even before Thanksgiving, a city that spent lots of money to put a giant Christmas tree on display and a city where the weather usually matched what gets sung about in Christmas songs on the radio. The traditions of the holiday season were always alive and well in the stores, on street corners and even as you rode on public transportation. There was an anticipation in the air about gift buying and receiving, parties to host and attend and reconnecting with loved ones who would have some spare time from work or school.
We had traditions at home when I was a kid as we celebrated Christmas along with everyone else. I didn’t know anything about church or God until I was 13 but that didn’t stop us from being part of the Christmas traditions of society. I had my picture taken with Santa, I would watch candy canes melt in my hot chocolate (I mean, that’s totally christmasy!) and we would get a real pine tree, put it in our house and decorate it! My family took part in the traditions and I looked forward to December….
Until those things began to stop…
We didn’t stop because I grew out of it or because we decided to become some kind of religious or because we moved to a place where there was no snow…
We stopped because one year adults fought with each other, pushing and shoving until a daughter accidentally poured boiling water on her hands. We stopped because one year a stepdad shoved the Christmas tree out a window. We stopped because one year a father threw batteries at a 3 year old son’s head. We stopped because drugs are a powerful force when people don’t call on Jesus for help.
And then as I grew older I began to fear and even hate the word tradition. Friends would talk about what their families were going to do together and I smiled for the while inside I screamed that it was unfair. Others would share about what gifts they were going to buy for family members or what they were hoping to receive and I would act excited while really I was in so much pain, grieving for what I once had and what I thought would always be.
And now here I sit in a country where more than 95% of the population doesn’t know Jesus yet many stores decorate for Christmas, the carols are heard in English on the radio in coffee shops and gifts will be exchanged. And… I have a Christmas tree in my apartment… It’s kind of become a tradition for me…
The first year I decorated this tree I heard myself saying to my younger brother, “You put the star on because you’re the tallest and it’s tradition” as soon as I said it I wanted to take it back. I wanted nothing to do with the thought of things that stay the same. I was too scared that maybe I would let my heart get attached to the feeling of safety that can come with tradition. Safety of knowing what to expect.
I didn’t take my words back that day though and as I have spent time with Jesus talking about these things during the past few Christmas seasons He has calmed my fears and has helped me redefine tradition. For those of us who come from less than healthy homes there is a tendency to push away from things that healthy families do. Until we experience healing we’re not quite sure how to respond in moments where things feel like they are tradition for someone else. Over the years I’ve been invited into quite a few families traditions and each situation gave me a little bit more solid ground to stand on as I sought healing.
With the help of Holy Spirit I’ve been able to redefine the word tradition. Instead of taking my cues from what society around me has told me it is I am now able to work out what it means for me… I like what we’ve come up with! I now see tradition as ways of doing things and beliefs that are passed down from year to year with the freedom to change, grow and develop as God leads. This still allows me to hold seasons, celebrations, moments with loved ones close to my heart. I still experience the excitement of looking forward to specific things that will happen. There's so much safety because I trust God with each season. And, I’m allowed the freedom to be okay when things change which is actually fun because some changes are great and should be celebrated and not mourned!
This has become really important to me as a still single missionary and as someone whose biological family hasn’t come into their places in His kingdom yet. While I’ve been living in Cambodia for the past 7+ years it’s only been during the past 3 that I’ve been creating traditions of my own. They are the small things that make me smile as they happen. Things like wearing snowflake earrings in December, sharing the best things in life with people around me and even the tallest person putting the star on a Christmas tree.
During this Christmas season may you embrace the traditions that you have. Maybe you’ll spend it with lots of family gathered in one place. Maybe you’ll spend with just a few you love. Maybe you’re in a brand new place and haven’t built traditions yet, start with something small and work from there. Maybe you haven’t begun asking Holy Spirit to heal some hurt places that tell you to run from tradition…it’s okay, say simple prayers inviting Him to do what He wants because I can promise you that His ways are good and kind and gentle (Psalm 119:68)
