This week has been a rough one. I've been thinking about loved ones who haven't heard His voice of love over them yet, they haven't decided to turn their lives in the direction of True Home, the one place where they will be accepted even before they repent and where Love never fails to bring healing and restoration. They. haven't yet seen the face of mercy or experienced the embrace that will compel them give their lives over so they can receive His promises.
And, can I just be honest and tell you that it hurts so very much to know what they're missing out on? I keep thinking that while I wait there will be a day when it doesn't hurt but....
Yes, there are days when life gets busy and responsibilities take priority and on those days the pain isn't as strong but.... then there are also days when all I can do is think about them.... the ones I grew up with, we lived together until I was 15, we survived through the same things before I knew Jesus. We created rituals that we called "ours"... sometimes we shared group hugs like the genie in Aladdin, sometimes we warmed up sweet iced tea in the microwave because we all liked it that way, sometimes we went to the grocery store already knowing who would be responsible for stealing what because it was how we always did it.... Yeah, some of the rituals we called "ours" weren't at all healthy, but we didn't know any better and they were the only security we had...
I've learned more of who I am in the Kingdom of Light, the Kingdom where God created me to be....
where we were all created to be.
I've grabbed on more tightly to the belief that it is only because Jesus lives that I have life...
because Jesus lives we all have life.
I've begun to understand that my own strength will never be enough because only His blood has power to speak in my defense...
only His blood has power to speak in defense for all of us.
I've allowed myself to be loved, really, truly loved by Jesus and by His people because His love is the only thing that truly satisfies my soul...
His love is the only thing that truly satisfies every soul.
I've begun forgiving myself and others for some of the awful things that happened when I was little because He chose to live and die so I could be restored in my relationship with Father and I won't let His death be wasted....
He chose to live and die so each one of us could be restored in right relationship with Father.
And, now, this time around with the pain, I'm recognizing more of what the heartache is. The heartache is that I know so well what they are missing out on.... And it hurts more than anything I can explain. And sometimes, like this past week, I cry a lot, I let all the pain be heard and seen and felt. I end up exhausted. I end up feeling like I can't breathe because of how I can see the deception they live in. I end up pounding my fists on the floor, wailing into pillows and losing my voice because I know it doesn't have to be this way.
And then, after the pain has had its moment....
I can stand again.
I can put the armor God has given back on,
I can take steps forward with my hope fixed on Jesus.
My hope steady because He has a plan.
My hope anchored because as much as I love them and long for them to be healthy and alive in Him I know He loves them EVEN MORE FIERCELY.
He longs for them even more than I do.
I know because I have spent life with them, I have survived with them, I have held onto them but, He desired to create them. He brought them into existence. So, as much I feel for them I know He feels even more and that gives me confidence that He is fighting for them, too.
This is a really old song but the words hold deep meaning for me. This week, I had to drop my sword and cry for just a while because deep inside this armor the warrior really is just a child...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=MCf3IVUSDss
And, can I just be honest and tell you that it hurts so very much to know what they're missing out on? I keep thinking that while I wait there will be a day when it doesn't hurt but....
Yes, there are days when life gets busy and responsibilities take priority and on those days the pain isn't as strong but.... then there are also days when all I can do is think about them.... the ones I grew up with, we lived together until I was 15, we survived through the same things before I knew Jesus. We created rituals that we called "ours"... sometimes we shared group hugs like the genie in Aladdin, sometimes we warmed up sweet iced tea in the microwave because we all liked it that way, sometimes we went to the grocery store already knowing who would be responsible for stealing what because it was how we always did it.... Yeah, some of the rituals we called "ours" weren't at all healthy, but we didn't know any better and they were the only security we had...
I've learned more of who I am in the Kingdom of Light, the Kingdom where God created me to be....
where we were all created to be.
I've grabbed on more tightly to the belief that it is only because Jesus lives that I have life...
because Jesus lives we all have life.
I've begun to understand that my own strength will never be enough because only His blood has power to speak in my defense...
only His blood has power to speak in defense for all of us.
I've allowed myself to be loved, really, truly loved by Jesus and by His people because His love is the only thing that truly satisfies my soul...
His love is the only thing that truly satisfies every soul.
I've begun forgiving myself and others for some of the awful things that happened when I was little because He chose to live and die so I could be restored in my relationship with Father and I won't let His death be wasted....
He chose to live and die so each one of us could be restored in right relationship with Father.
And, now, this time around with the pain, I'm recognizing more of what the heartache is. The heartache is that I know so well what they are missing out on.... And it hurts more than anything I can explain. And sometimes, like this past week, I cry a lot, I let all the pain be heard and seen and felt. I end up exhausted. I end up feeling like I can't breathe because of how I can see the deception they live in. I end up pounding my fists on the floor, wailing into pillows and losing my voice because I know it doesn't have to be this way.
And then, after the pain has had its moment....
I can stand again.
I can put the armor God has given back on,
I can take steps forward with my hope fixed on Jesus.
My hope steady because He has a plan.
My hope anchored because as much as I love them and long for them to be healthy and alive in Him I know He loves them EVEN MORE FIERCELY.
He longs for them even more than I do.
I know because I have spent life with them, I have survived with them, I have held onto them but, He desired to create them. He brought them into existence. So, as much I feel for them I know He feels even more and that gives me confidence that He is fighting for them, too.
This is a really old song but the words hold deep meaning for me. This week, I had to drop my sword and cry for just a while because deep inside this armor the warrior really is just a child...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=MCf3IVUSDss
