5-5-5 Full of Grace

May is the 5th month of the year, this May I've been in Cambodia for 5 years and it is 2015! 

The number 5 has been one of my favorite numbers for a long time now (the other is 3, and the 5's above make a set of 3!). 

I've been taught and have come to believe that the number 5 represents God's grace upon humans.  God's favor, God doing for us what we cannot do in our efforts alone, God's goodness towards us to display His character so He can receive glory.  There are three biblical instances that I've come to view as backing up this idea.

First, is the fact that the 5th commandment is the only one given that has a promise attached to it (Exod. 20:12). This promise is not anything that we could bring about on our own-it's the promise of long life. Only God determines how long our lives on this earth will last.  Second is the strategy that God used in having David prepare for his battle with Goliath by picking up 5 smooth stones (1 Samuel 17). There was no chance that David would actually be able to kill the 9ft. giant Goliath with only 5 smooth stones-they weren't even jagged rocks that could have cut the enemy! In the end, David only needed to use one stone but, God had him take 5-maybe God knew this would feel the tiniest bit more realistic to David, I mean, if God said, "Take one stone" instead of, "Take 5 stones" it would have taken longer for me to agree if I were in David's place. God's goodness was in the preparation for David and shone through in the results as well.  Lastly is the story of when Jesus fed the 5,000 (which is really probably more like 12,000 when you add women and children to the number) with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish (John 6:1-14).  The disciples were fairly certain that they were not going to be able to feed the crowd that had gathered but with just 5 fish and faith in God Jesus was able to feed the crowd and even have baskets full of leftovers! The disciples could tried all they wanted on their own to somehow conjure up enough food or enough money to buy enough food and it wouldn't have worked-this is something only God, in His grace, could do for them.

Now, I find myself having been in Cambodia for 5 years and being amazed by God's grace throughout that time.  When I first left America it was all a great big adventure and going to be so much fun! My first 4 weeks was completely that (and grace filled from the moment we arrived in Cambodia and the 17 year old on our team who lost his passport between America and here was allowed into the country!).

After that first month though, I found myself in some desperate need of His grace. I couldn't just force new friendships, I couldn't simply snap my fingers and be fluent in Khmer and I couldn't deny the need for Hope I was seeing all around me everyday.

His grace was the only thing that would make a lasting difference for me.
And, I still rely on His grace everyday.

I have wonderful, deep friendships here now and I need His grace to continue investing in them even though people come and go about every 4 months here.  I can understand Khmer REALLY WELL now and I need His grace to keep me learning in an attitude of humility.  I know the names and stories of some people who are bound by hopelessness in their lives and I need His grace to continually speak and offer Hope... Continually. Over and over and over and even over again....

So many things I can't "just make happen", His grace is a sweet necessity in my life.
Just as it was in Paul's life when he asked the Lord to remove a pain he could not remove himself and this is what God replied and Paul's wise response,

"But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Cor. 12:9).

Where do you need His grace in your life? God really enjoys pouring His grace out, give Him a chance and He might just surprise you with His grace for you.

The Discipline of Slowing Down

Life demands that we slow down and even stop sometimes. We stop at certain traffic lights and signs, we stop when the batteries die in electronics, our bodies even naturally slow us down as we sleep.  God has created rhythms and slowing down is part of His plan. I'm not talking about Sabbath- that's a whole other kind of stopping.  I'm talking about a slowing down that allows us to shift our focus from one thing to another.  There are at least two major kinds of slowing down in my life. The first is on a daily basis and the second kind happens after a longer amount of time-sometimes every few months, sometimes every few years.

I am currently in America where I have been for the past six weeks and will be for the next seven weeks.  It is good to have a change of scenary, different pace of life for a bit.  During what has become my "normal" life in Phnom Penh, Cambodia I am met daily with the reality of sexual abuse, exploitation and trafficking of children, women and men.  Along with each new story that we become part of at our center for prevention and restoration comes the chance to believe a victim, form a strategy to help and pray for God's favor and wisdom as we go forward.

And then, at the end of a workday, I am presented the tasks of leaving the office and focusing on other relationships, to-do-lists and outlets in my own life.  It takes a lot for me to be able to treat what I do at our drop-in center as just one part of my life.  Everything in me doesn't want to stop thinking about, talking through, strategizing a case until it is in the best possible place it can be, until we have completely spent all of our energy and resources-beyond what is expected- so that a child is safe, a family has a plan for financial success, a teenager understands and can apply principles to give himself a bright future, a mother is given the best medical services we can find so she can continue to care for her children, a father is taught about the consequences his choices have on his family...... I don't want to stop, even though it's 4:30 and time to go home.

I know though that if I chose to keep going I would have nothing to give tomorrow. And tomorrow will come with its new stories and new opportunities for myself and our Khmer employees to help.

So, as I live in Cambodia I do choose the discipline of slowing down and shifting my focus so I am filled up by lighter things because I know it is what will help me keep going tomorrow.

But right now, tonight, I sit here in America with LOTS of time on my hands because I don't have daily committments or to-do-lists.  I've chosen to stop for longer than I'm allowed in Cambodia.  And as I live in this strange place of 'in between' where I don't have the same demands/opportunities that have become normal I find myself with different opportunities being given to me by my Creator.

Some days I'll see an article (or five) on Facebook about pedophiles in Cambodia and I have the opportunity to pray my heart out...His heart really.  I can just sit with the pain, the anger, the hope for transformation....all my thoughts and emotions can be what they may for as long as it takes for me to feel satisfied that I have given my heart, my attention, given my all emotionally to this thing that is so complicated and can never be wrapped up in one workday.

Other days I can't stop thinking about those I've grown to love in Cambodia. Literally, can't stop. I know what their days look like, I know when to pray and what to pray for because I'd usually be there with them.  God's heart of intercession blows me away when I slow down so much that I can feel what He feels, hope what He hopes and declare what He has already done and is yet to do! Allowing myself the time and space to partner with Him in this way is completely refreshing to my soul.

I don't want to leave my everyday life, it's not natural for me to walk away from things I'm invested in. But, I choose to seperate myself for a while slowing down and shifting focus because I know I need the things I gain here so I can be reconnected to His heart for me and for those around me. It reminds me of His character and I continue to follow Him.

I can't do this slowing down thing alone. In Cambodia I have friends who remind me (without even knowing it most of the time) that it's time to slow down and shift the focus to other things so we can continue well tomorrow.  There's a need for us to help each other slow down and shift our focus...

L-O-N-G Days Filled with Honor and Love

It's 6:15pm as I begin to type this. I'm sitting on my couch, watching an amazingly beautiful sunset out my window and feeling quite grateful that I got home early today.

Days have been l-o-n-g the past two weeks with an amazing, very energetic, Kingdom minded short term team here with us. Each day is jam packed with things to do and I do enjoy having so much to be part of! Last week, there was so much I wanted to come home and write about each day for all of you to read. But....I came home and tiredness and Modern Family won out on the nights when I didn't already have plans :-)

So tonight, I'll just write about today instead of trying to catch up on the past.  Maybe I'll get to some of those great stories, someday.

Today.....
I woke up at 5:15am and for those of you who have ever seen me before 8:30am, you are well aware that I was quite incoherent for a while.  I did, however, have an iced coffee since I cold brewed it last night and I listened to music for about an hour.  These things work miracles for my morning mood!

Rode a half hour to the boys center, arrived at 7:15, the team ate their breakfast of yogurt, fruit and pastries.

I like what's been happening at 7:30!  The team, us Western H.P.C. members and our 9 Khmer staff members (8 guys, 1 girl) all have a devotional time together that usually ends with about 20 minutes of worship (a few of our Khmer brothers are excellent worship leaders!) and prayer.

At 8:15 a small group heads out to Wat Phnom where they lead Kids Club for 2 hours followed by about an hour of family visits with some of our regular kids.

Another small group stays at the boys center and continues the painting, cleaning, organizing that has been going on.

My group was the group that got to go out into the neighborhood
this morning. I was particularly excited about today because we were going to visit a family I've come to love so much. I wrote about their story earlier this year here.

Things have begun to change for this precious family. My friend, Panha, who is also one of our Khmer staff members, led the mother and grandmother to the Lord about a month ago! They have also moved from where they were living on the streets to a room (it has walls, a roof and a bathroom) in one of the slum areas of the city.  Might be the slum but, it's certainly a step up from where they were....

I hadn't seen them yet since I've been back. The family consists of the mom, the grandma, the father (he's an alcoholic and not usually around) and 6 children ranging in age from 17 down to about 9 months. Three of the kids now attend school through another organization here.

We were going with the intention of teaching the women how to pray and bringing them a large plastic barrel for them to collect water in since their water only runs for about 4 hours per day.  They need water for many things during the day such as bathing, cooking, washing clothes....

When we arrived we were greeted by my 4-year old friend who should've been in school. We came to find out that this past weekend he had cut his hand on a nail in the door, this makes perfect sense to me, he's quite the active little guy!

Have no fear though-18-year old Panha to the rescue! I mean seriously, he has loved them persistently for the past year including when we found out some horrific news about them, he's led the adult females of this family to the Lord and he has been a social worker in helping them get their home and the kids into school!

Then today! Today he pulls out the first aid kit, puts on some gloves and cleans and bandages physical wounds! (Have I ever mentioned how very much I learn about Jesus from my Khmer brothers...well, be assured, I learn a ton).

So, we, all 7 of us plus the 5 members of the family who were home sat on the floor as Panha simultaneously told me to practice my Khmer with the family and fixed our young friend up.

And we did give them that barrel for the water too :-)

It was SO GOOD to be back in the same country, to be able to encourage not only Panha but also the rest of our Khmer staff. To not have to wait for Skype delays but to be able to look them in the eye and tell them that they are truly bringing His Kingdom into the darkness of this world....that's my absolute favorite part about being here in person.....

Phew, and that's just what I did before 11:30am!!

I'm honored to be here, honored to see His love for His people regardless of the language we speak, the choices we make and the way others perceive us....He loves us all the same.

Monday Night in a New Place

Right now it is 6:45pm and I am sitting in my living room in Cambodia, watching the Cosby Show.

Bet you didn't expect that....

Well, yep, that's what I'm doing here on a Monday night. Because, it makes life feel normal.

I've been back for about 10 days now.  And, I have truly realized that this season is really not the same as the last one I spent here.
It was very easy to tell myself (as well as others) that truth while I was in America. It's quite another thing to be here and live it.

It's been tough coming back after 7 months of being gone. I was in the States longer than I was in Cambodia last year (I was here for 5 months) and that wasn't my original intent when I left in November.
I've forgotten so much pia-saa Khmer (Khmer language) that I feel like I'm having to start all over again.
I live in a new neighborhood with new streets, new neighbors, new things that will eventually become familiar.
The kids at Kids Club have all grown (which is great!) and there are all these new ones...certainly many changes in that ministry and much of it is wonderful to observe. That's it though, right now, I'm just an observer in many things here until I get fully settled in again.
I'm having to pray about where my niche will be...there are many opportunities since we're in the process of hiring more Khmer staff members and officially cleaning out and opening the Boys Center.  Lots of new and exciting things to be part of!

Yet, this means that lots of things are simply different than they were last year.  I've found some time to spend with Jesus, letting go of the last season here, sitting before Him, trusting Him, knowing that He has the best possible plans for His glory and my life.

So, yes, on a Monday night my roommate, Steph, and I watched the Cosby Show on our little tv in our apartment. And, it made life feel normal for a bit. I could just laugh at a familiar sitcom and forget the circumstances around me.  It was good and I was glad for it.

Missionary Moses and me

I've been thinking a lot about Moses lately. His story is really a great one. Born during a time when he should have been killed-just for being born!-he had a mom who let the Holy Spirit lead her to risk everything in order to save his life. She hid him for 3 months then sent him in a basket adrift on the Nile. 


God really did have BIG plans for this boy. 


Not only was he found, he was found by none other than Pharaoh's daughter! AND, (I love this part!) she offers to pay Moses' own mother to care for him as a young child! 

When he gets a bit older he is sent back to the Pharaoh's daughter and grows up as an Egyptian. Oh, wait, not just any Egyptian but royalty. 


So, this little boy was born and should have died. Not only is his life spared but his mother gets to watch him grow then he is given the honor of being treated as royalty-God's big picture is much more grand than we ever imagine.

One day, God speaks to Moses and his life is never the same....sound familiar to anyone else?

God allows Moses the privilege of fighting on behalf of an oppressed people. And, not only fighting for their freedom but, fighting for their freedom so that they can enter into relationship with the one true God (yep, missionary).

Sounds kinda great doesn't it? Fighting for justice. Fighting on behalf of people who need someone to fight for them. Fighting to see people enter into relationship with God....I like the sound of those kinds of things!

But, were I Moses, would I have liked it?

Moses had to go before the King...and demand that he stop oppressing the Hebrews. Moses didn't know the Hebrews, they were a foreign people to him but he was moved with fierce passion to see them treated justly (did I mention, I think Moses was a missionary?). In order for this to happen he went to Pharaoh and told him that if he wouldn't let the Hebrews go awful things would happen to the Egyptians.

This is where I'm not sure I would've been able to do what Moses did...when Pharaoh didn't let the people go it was Moses' job to initiate all kinds of awful plagues on the Egyptians (frogs, boils, locusts, darkness...eventually the death of every firstborn son). 
For the sake of justice for one group of people he watched as destruction came upon another group. Pharaoh was the one making the decisions and the plagues came upon ALL of the Egyptians.

I just don't know that I would have had the strength to watch hardship come upon an entire group of people based on their King's hardheaded decision. I'm certain that the only thing that would've kept me going would have been the knowledge that God told me to....

But, then again....

If today I had the opportunity to

free orphans... 

or child prostitutes... 

or homeless people.... 

or widows....

 from oppression 

and lead them into relationship with God 

BUT the condition 

was that I had to initiate and watch destruction come upon an entire people group associated with their oppressors.....what would I do then?

I don't know......other than to say that I'd follow God with all of who I am....His plan is so much bigger than the small, momentary glimpses we get during our time on this earth. Yeah, I'd follow Him.

(I really do not know why the font is different sizes and can't figure out how to change it....sorry!)