Monday Night in a New Place

Right now it is 6:45pm and I am sitting in my living room in Cambodia, watching the Cosby Show.

Bet you didn't expect that....

Well, yep, that's what I'm doing here on a Monday night. Because, it makes life feel normal.

I've been back for about 10 days now.  And, I have truly realized that this season is really not the same as the last one I spent here.
It was very easy to tell myself (as well as others) that truth while I was in America. It's quite another thing to be here and live it.

It's been tough coming back after 7 months of being gone. I was in the States longer than I was in Cambodia last year (I was here for 5 months) and that wasn't my original intent when I left in November.
I've forgotten so much pia-saa Khmer (Khmer language) that I feel like I'm having to start all over again.
I live in a new neighborhood with new streets, new neighbors, new things that will eventually become familiar.
The kids at Kids Club have all grown (which is great!) and there are all these new ones...certainly many changes in that ministry and much of it is wonderful to observe. That's it though, right now, I'm just an observer in many things here until I get fully settled in again.
I'm having to pray about where my niche will be...there are many opportunities since we're in the process of hiring more Khmer staff members and officially cleaning out and opening the Boys Center.  Lots of new and exciting things to be part of!

Yet, this means that lots of things are simply different than they were last year.  I've found some time to spend with Jesus, letting go of the last season here, sitting before Him, trusting Him, knowing that He has the best possible plans for His glory and my life.

So, yes, on a Monday night my roommate, Steph, and I watched the Cosby Show on our little tv in our apartment. And, it made life feel normal for a bit. I could just laugh at a familiar sitcom and forget the circumstances around me.  It was good and I was glad for it.

Not Little Boys Anymore

I have 2 younger brothers who live in New York City. Glen is 19 and Kyle just turned 18 on March 7th. Gosh, I love those boys! Well, I guess they're not so much "boys" anymore, huh?

That doesn't really matter to me because I have the memories of when they were....and those memories will always make me smile:

• When Kyle was learning to read he once pronounced the word "pineapple" as pin-opp-ahlee.
• When Glen was in first grade, his class did a performance of the Macarena.
• While eating a popsicle, Kyle was famous for the amazing slurping sounds he could make...any old Popice sounded like it was the best thing in the world!
• Glen's favorite movie of ALL TIME was The Land Before Time, we watched it over and over and over and....over.
• We had a rabbit (don't ask how we had a rabbit living in Queens, New York City...) and Kyle loved to hide Thumper (that really was the rabbit's name). We'd find him in a wooden box we used to keep potatoes in, we'd find him in drawers and once....we even found him in the dryer (he was okay though!)
• When Glen was learning to talk he couldn't say "sister" so he would call me his 2-year old version of the word, "dita" and he still calls me that...and I love it.
• We used to go to arcades (do those even exist anymore?) on the weekends and they would both use portions of their prize tokens to get little rings, bracelets and what not for my mom and I :-)
• The first meal Glen learned to cook: scrambled eggs in the microwave.
• While doing laundry in the laundromat one time Kyle was intrigued at all the quarters and knew that we needed them for the arcade as well. He looked up at me with huge eyes and a big grin and triumphantly said, "Sister, I'm gonna ask for a million quarters!"'
• We got a dalmatian puppy and were trying to decide what to name him. Kyle suggested, "'Dice, because he looks like dice!", what a creative 4-year old he was! 

These probably don't mean very much to you and that's okay with me.  Just know that to me, these few memories of my brothers are cherished dearly.  It takes quite a bit of effort for me to dig these ones up.  They are buried deep underneath the rubble of the chaos, violence, fear... that the three of us survived together.

And, it's true, Glen and Kyle are not little boys anymore.  Really, they haven't been for a very long time..... They are men and as one of them turned 18 this week he has begun to look at his life and evaluate.  He told me that he had goals for himself, goals that for many 18-year olds would've been quite simple to accomplish (have a driver's license, have a legit job and be nearing high school graduation) but, he hasn't yet.  He has got to figure out how to live a fulfilling life, a life where love matters, a life where it's okay to dream for the future..  He's got to figure these things out without the support system of men to show him what that looks like.

He'll get there....I believe in him, I believe in both of them....I believe in the plan that God has for their lives and for that reason alone I have hope for their futures.

I needed to say that.