Choosing to Live Loved

A few months ago I wrote a post called, Live Loved.  The moment of revelation described in that post changed my life, but the moment wasn't the end.  God spoke to me that day in March but it has been up to me to choose to live out of His revealed truth or to say it's too hard and continue on in what was so comfortable and easy.  I know that the enemy of my soul wants to see me live all tangled up in lies about being pitied instead of the freedom given by the Truth of Jesus' love for me.

And....

I am determined to choose redemptive Truth as I come face to face with shadowy lies.
I am persistent in choosing to view my circumstances through His eternal perspective instead of seeing through my very limited viewpoint.
I am diligent in choosing to search for His goodness instead of simply taking things just as they are on the surface.
I am steadfast in choosing to count my blessings instead of being overwhelmed by the schemes of the enemy.
I choose to be grateful for each moment when I'm able to recognize His love and goodness instead of desperate in the moments of lonlieness and struggle.
I choose to be joyful in the restorative times shared with friends who have become family instead of hopeless for what has been stolen.
I choose to be passionate in standing with Him for the victory He promises instead of being weary when faced with the battle.
I choose to be resilient as I tell mountain after mountain after mountain to leave in Jesus' name instead of allowing the obstacles to steal my will to keep going forward.

I need to speak and write these declarations -often!- to remind my soul of the things that matter. I need others to hear and see these declarations so that we can remind each other.  I need God to breathe these declarations into me -over and over and over again...- so that I can continue living loved.

In the day to day of life this means choosing to cherish moments, words, experiences that God gives to show me that He hears these declarations and the He is faithful to provide for the dreams He breathes into my soul...

God reminds me that He hears and will be faithful to fulfill in so many ways...  It is my job (and yours) to choose to see His faithfulness and to even find it in the small things.  During the past few months I've seen it in things like....

Gifts of peanut M&M's.

Subway rides in Singapore.
Those moments before loved ones leave and you say, "love you" to each other because it's normal that you matter to each other.

Shared flavored coffee creamer from America (the superior liquid kind, not powder!).

Lunch brought by a friend when a migraine shows up.
Brothers who drive a little slower when I'm on their moto.

The sky when it's deep blue before nightfall. 

Conversations in Khmer about the deep things of God and life. 

Swimming in the afternoon on a day off.

Riding on a moto through rainy season floodwater to spend time with friends.
Phone calls and text messages just to say, "hey, thinking about you, how are you?". 

Being prayed for by ones who know me even when I don't have the strength or courage to pray for myself. 

When someone says it's okay to eat with my hands. 

Apple cinnamon bagels showing up at the grocery store in October. 

Photos of sunsets sent to me by friends who know my heart.

Meals shared in my home and the homes of others.
Times when God speaks so clearly and personally...even when I'm in a room with thousands of other believers.
Skype conversations that are filled with laughter and hope.

When people say they feel at peace and safe in my house because His presence is surely there.

Little ones who shout my name and are excited I came.

People who aren't afraid to speak His truth even when it's hard for them to say and for me to hear.
Phone calls from sisters to share stories of victory.
So many more moments...

Some of His Reminders 

These are a few of the ways Jesus reminds me that the constant, determined, persistent, diligent, steadfast choices to live loved are seen by Him.  He knows it's not easy in this world and He knows we have a choice and He delights in every moment when we choose His love.  Choosing His love instead of the easy, comfortable opposition of old habits and mindsets is work but I promise the results are more than worth it.

What will you choose today?  How have you seen His faithfulness?  

5 Years Later...Still Missing Jenn

Jenn and I just a few weeks before she met Jesus face to face :-) We'd just enjoyed a long day filled with laughter!

Today marks 5 years since my dear friend, Jennifer Leghorn, went home to be with Jesus. She was 21 and celebrated her 22nd birthday, May 10, in Heaven.  I think parties in Heaven are going to 
be the most fun things EVER!


I find myself thinking about Jenn so much lately.  When we were in college she was going to be a missionary and I was going to teach 2nd grade....Now, I'm a missionary....I don't think any of us would've ever seen that one coming :-)  I still miss my friend, a lot.  During the past few months I've re-discovered the adventurous side (a story for a whole other blog!) and gosh I miss her as I do things like ride motos through Cambodian streets, go rock climbing and dream about para-gliding and mountain biking on a tandem bike :-)  Can't wait til eternity when we can do these things together!!


The rest of this blog is 2 posts I've written in previous years to honor who Jenn is....not was but is.  She is very much alive and well at this very moment because of the gift she chose to receive from our wonderful Savior Who gave her eternal life...Thank You Jesus for eternity and for my friend Jenn. 


"Hope and Courage Offered Through friendship-written May 8, 2008


May 9th 2006 was a Tuesday. I remember waking up that morning at Shalom retreat center. I spent the morning sitting with friends as we all participated in our very last session of something we called "The God Story". We had all been on a journey together during the past nine months-a journey of discovering how alive God's word is, a journey of discovering what it means to live in community (and what it doesn't mean as well) and particularly for me a journey of learning to trust God's love in my life.

We all listened intently as images of heaven filled the room, we were going through the book of Revelation paying special attention to the hope presented in the book. We talked about eternity, the joy of being with Jesus always. We talked about victory, the joy of overcoming death and pain. We talked about worship, the joy of praising Jesus without ever ceasing.

As soon as we had finished our last worship song a strange feeling of urgency came over me. I knew I needed to get to my phone. Everyone knew I was on a retreat in the-middle-of-nowhere-Kansas and so I wouldn't be able to get to my phone yet there was a new voicemail. It was my friend simply telling me to call as soon as I could.

I knew immediately what she was going to tell me. Our good friend Jenn had been fighting cancer for the past four years and this was the end. I called her back anyway and she only confirmed what I already knew in my heart. I stood there shakily holding the phone and could do nothing except melt into a puddle of tears. A few of my close friends surrounded me and prayed. The next few days were a blur as I tried to focus on the task at hand-bringing closure to this chapter in my life called Transit. I didn't let the grief come, I swallowed it so that I could be present during our graduation ceremonies and then I left for a month overseas.

I miss Jenn often. Last Sunday a worship song at church brought back memories of her after chemo treatments and I felt the sadness as if it were a punch in the stomach. So sudden and so real. Sometimes when I share ice cream with friends I remember the last time she and I had ice cream-it was the fourth of July and she wasn't well enough to go to a concert at Jones Beach as we'd planned so instead we had ice cream :-) During Transit she would send me "care packages" (her way of making sure that everyone in Kansas City knew that I was loved by people in New York) and I recently found a sticky note she'd attached to a card, it says, "Pray for me, I need it to beat this stupid cancer."

And we did pray. My friends and I prayed hard...in the beginning. Then, it sort of became commonplace that Jenn just had cancer. It didn't stop her from doing the things that she was passionate about-she still volunteered as a youth leader, she still worked at the campus library, she still got A grades in Professor Poston's classes. Although she had cancer it was never what defined her, at least not to those of us who really knew her.

I know that this has gotten rather lengthly and I really could just keep writing about all that Jenn was. I am just so very grateful that the Lord blessed me with the privilege of calling her friend and even sister. Last November I was on a retreat and Jesus prompted me to write her a letter, this is part of what it said,
"I think about how well I was loved by you even though we never talked about 'that stuff'. I think about your will to live life to the fullest. Jenn, you knew that life was rough and unfair but still you enjoyed it. You chose to trust Jesus despite so many things. You have given me so much hope and so much courage. Thank you for your example in choosing to follow and trust Him."

If you knew Jenn may you be reminded of her courage and hope, celebrate her this week-that is what she would want. If you did not know Jenn please think of those whose lives show you hope and give you courage-thank them and thank God for His blessings in your life."


"Loss=written May 12, 2006


I lost a part of my life last Tuesday. For the past five years I knew someone who was an amazing woman. Her name was Jennifer, but everyone called her Jenn. She was one of a kind. She had the most beautiful eyes. They were always filled with joy and hope because more than anything she knew that her Jesus was real and everpresent.
She had a zeal for life that was unmatched. She loved to camp, mountain-bike, kayak...anything that had a hint of adventure to it was meant for her!
She possessed such real tenacity and dilligence. I could always count on her courseload consisting of the maximum number of credits allowable each taught by the most challenging professors. She never earned less than a B in any class.
Jenn was a fighter. She battled abandonment from a young age and came out of it with a desire for all to belong. She battled parents who never really knew her and her last words to them were that she loved them and wanted them to know that she is alive and well with Jesus.
Her greatest battle was a three and half year all out war against a cancer that she so unaffectionately named Jezebel. She endured three rounds of Chemo, each one sending her into a short lived remission.
Jenn was one of my best friends. During the past five years we have laughed together countless times! We cried together, fought with God together, shared sarcasm....sometimes a bit too much :) Two weeks ago, I had the honor of being in her company one last time.
Last Tuesday, May 9th, Jenn went to be with Jesus. She told me not to be sad, she will be in heaven and it will be truly amazing. She will have new mountains and streams to explore everyday...and for that I am grateful, I am so glad to think about her spending her 23rd birthday on May 10 with Jesus....alive and well......But, I am so sad for the loss of my friend. My heart hurts more than I thought possible. We will never have another moment together in this life, the ones we've had will have to suffice until we meet again. The tears are coming now.......again........I feel the ache of a friend lost."

Differences

As I've been beginning to prepare for going back to Cambodia I've been putting some serious thought into how I spend money differently there as opposed to here in America.  Some of the difference are really big ones and quite sobering while with others, I'm able to just kind of shake my head at and laugh... As I considered monetary difference I began to remember others and I thought you might like to share in some of my findings:

• In America one 12oz. latte will cost me either $3.50 at Starbucks or $1.10 at QuikTrip.
• In Cambodia, I can get a 20oz. iced coffee with sweet milk for $0.70 or an entire 20oz. french press of coffee for $1.00 (I will admit though that a smoothie or frappuccino type drink does cost anywhere from $3-$5)
• In America a fast food lunch (sandwich, side and a drink) will run you anywhere from $3.50-$8
• In Cambodia I can buy numerous lunch combinations from local vendors for no more than $1.50 (fried rice, a filled pork bun, lettuce wraps, dragonfruit...). However, fast food such as KFC or Pizza Company/Pizza World costs you anywhere from $4-$10 :-)
• Milk. A half gallon of "fresh" a.k.a. "cold" milk will cost about $4.50. 
• It's okay though, because you can buy a cardboard box of "milk" that has been sitting on a shelf for a while for about $2.00 :-)
• Cereal. This one is a big one for me. So, first, I have about 100+ options to choose from here in America. And they cost anywhere from $2-$4.50
• Not so in Cambodia. At the western grocery store I can find 3-5 options during a good week. The prices? Anywhere from $6-$13! (Lucky Charms was once $13.50, no joke)
• Strawberries!!! I am currently enjoying all the wonderfully flavorful fruits I can while I'm in America and saw strawberries on sale today for $0.96/lb.  I know, they can cost as much as $3.50/lb here. 
• But, would you pay $9.60/lb if you were in Cambodia, where, there is not even a word in the Khmer language for strawberry (talk about a delicacy!)? I haven't...yet...I'll let you know if I cave and buy them sometime :-)
• Snacks. When asked to bring a snack to share for a party here in America people bring things like potato chips, popcorn, cookies....
• My Khmer friends bring things such as bags of fried crickets, durian fruit (also called the "smelly fruit") or cans of bright, almost glowing, Fanta.
• Water. When I first got back to America last November I was asked to pay $1.75 for a 20oz bottle of water! No thank you, I'll just go turn on the tap and run it through a filtering pitcher (maybe, if I'm being really picky)
• In Cambodia I would NEVER drink water from the tap and there are no filtering pitchers. BUT, it's all good because I can get a 20oz. bottle for $0.25 or a 5 gallon jug delivered to my apartment for $1 :-)
• In America it will cost you on your electric bill when you do laundry with your washing machine and dryer.
• In Cambodia you'll be charged a minimal amount for the water used while you wash your clothes but the real cost is the TIME you'll spend! And then, please, oh please, don't rain as soon as I've hung my clean-smelling-of-laundry-soap clothes on the line to dry....
• If you were to go into a store here in America without shoes on your feet you'd more than likely be denied service, at the least.
• Go into a store in Cambodia with your shoes ON and you're likely to be scolded and shooed out the door to remove your flip-flops.

These are some of the things I've missed while being in America. Not necessarily missed them because they are all so wonderful but, rather, because each of these differences was discovered for me during some kind of memorable experience with lots of people who I'm so glad to know and have be part of my story :-)

I'm looking forward to going back, to continuing to discover the differences and embrace the memories that will come from each day there.

Awkward Love

Lately, I've been reading A LOT.  I know, some of you are thinking, "Yvonne, you read A LOT all the time..." and, you're probably right. But, I've been reading specifically about love and how men and women have such different experiences with it. So, I guess the correct sentence should be, lately, I've been reading A LOT about love. I'm doing some specific research for the opening of the Boys Center in Camboida.
Lots of people out there have many more years of experience than I do so, for a while, I may just share with you the wisdom from others that stands out to me.

Here's another excerpt from John Eldredge and as for the parts that relate to women, I think I fully agree.  It is not easy for anyone, male or female, to love others and to open ourselves up to the vulnerabilities that come with it.
But, I'm sure gonna keep on tryin' cause it is so worth it for the relationships that grow and mature...

"Honest communication in love is the only way to live and grow in friendships including marriages. There are ebbs and flows. There may be real hurt and disappointment. But with the grace of God firmly holding us, it is possible to nurture and sustain deep friendships. We are designed to live in relationship and share in the lives of others. We need one another. God knows that. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and, in faith, to love. We must also repent.

Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe that God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming . . . a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink, or swear; that's what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing . . . or merely nice?)

Really now-do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is . . . bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. "I've pretty much tried for the last twenty years to be a good man as the church defines it." Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. "Dutiful," he said. "And separated from his heart." A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark.

Men enjoy relationships in which we are challenged, relationships that require more from us than the church expects. As men we long to protectors, we were made to stand up for truth, justice, righteousness.  The enemy of our souls wants us to believe that our voice is not needed-this is a lie.  The enemy wants us to bellieve that our passion in life is evil-this is a lie.

For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her. Fallen Eve demands that people "come through" for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed. Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm. Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)"

(Wild at Heart, 7-8, The Sacred Romance, 44, Captivating, 181-82)

FUN!! (Written May 14, 2007)

I have had a few conversations over the past two weeks about fun. I am one of those people who does not aspire for life to be full of monotony. I enjoy spontaneity and adventure! I teach one and two year olds and while the job certainly has its setbacks (I readily admit that!) it is at the same time one of the greatest jobs for me. I get to go to work and once there, PLAY! Where else can I go and be able to finger paint, play ring-around-the-rosie, shout with my outdoor voice, color with sidewalk chalk and blow bubbles...all in one day?? These kids are so good at just being kids and I know that I need to learn from them.

There are varying definitions of the word fun. I have spent time with people doing something and one of us will walk away saying, "that was fun" while the other is thinking, "fun? yeah, I guess you could call it that." For example, I really like word games-scrabble, boggle, apples to apples-but, my best friend absolutely hates them, one of us has fun, the other doesn't :-)

I have been so very grateful at realizing that I have some of the most wonderful friends anyone could ask for. Just when I think I'm about to completely lose my mind due to all the seriousness that is happening in my life Jesus provides opportunities for simple fun.

Last week, a friend and I went to a diner at 11:30pm just because we wanted to spend time together and I think that was one of the best plates of cheese fries I've shared with someone in a long time!

Another friend and I went to a coffee shop a while ago and played a game of scrabble-she won, I wasn't much competition!

I went to see a movie with some friends two weeks ago and after realizing how horrible the movie was we went and had amazing frozen custard to make up for it, because we were determined to have fun!

Last week a friend and I went tree climbing and in the process tore holes in our pockets and got our feet insanely dirty (so dirty that we washed them off in the park bathroom sink)...that was so much fun!

Sunday night I found myself in a friend's backyard having conversations about adventure that stirred up all kinds of dreams within my heart....especially dreams of traveling, traveling to Guatemala, California, Nepal, Columbia....it was a heck of a lot of fun to be amongst friends and dream :-)


On Monday at work, I found myself leaping like a frog and then slithering like a snake under tables!

Tonight some friends wanted to have fun so we went to watch the sunset and ended up rolling down grassy hills and attempting to make blades of grass whistle...lots of laughs :-)

Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:3, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of heaven." If we are to have childlike faith it might help if we take time to see the world as children do...full of FUN!

Wrapping Presents (Written Dec. 15, 2006)

****Written December 19, 2017, 11 years later: Tonight, I was wrapping some gifts and had the very same experience of lots of laughter and shaking my head at the ridiculousness of the excess paper and gobs of tape used on each one.  I've learned that the joy in giving a gift outweighs any fear of what people might think about the outside package.  Thanks, Lord, for the constant joy I receive in giving! 

December 19, 2017

Tonight as I sat on my living room floor and began the task of wrapping a few Christmas presents I almost had to stop a few times because I was laughing so hard. This is a normal occurrence  in my life since my wonderful roommate has such a great sense of humor...but she wasn't even home!!

It was just me and Jesus. Let me tell you why wrapping presents is so much fun for me...

As a kid I was never taught the 'right' way to wrap presents. We rarely even had the 'right' material for wrapping presents. I loved to give gifts anyway and so I would go about wrapping them in any old way as long as the entire gift was covered so the recipient couldn't guess what was inside I was happy. I can remember lots of gifts being wrapped (are you ready?) with aluminum foil and masking tape! At least they were totally covered and nobody was gonna guess what was inside!

I was never self-conscious about my unique gift-wrapping skills. My mom has some great qualities and one was that she always encouraged me to do what makes me happy even if others didn't like it. Because I'm legally blind I've had to make lots of adaptations to the way things are done in life and as I grew up doing things just a bit differently than everyone else, she never pointed out those differences. So, she always enjoyed my uniquely wrapped presents :)

Now I'm 23 and it's almost Christmas. I began my gift wrapping tonight. My first task was a large, round pot-type thing and as I wrapped it I just burst out laughing, I do have actual Christmas wrapping paper this time, but alas my skills have not improved since I was 4. This gift is sitting on the floor with its gobs of tape and surely a massive amount of excess wrapping.

And, you know what? I'm still not self-conscious about it, I kind of enjoy the way I wrap presents, no other 'adult' wraps like I do (not on purpose anyway). I get lots of joy from the fact that, if you ask me, there is no such thing as the 'right' way to wrap a gift. I don't want to know how to 'fix' my gift wrapping technique either, I like it just the way it is and actually I pray that I don't ever become self conscious about it.

Thank You Lord for tonight, for good memories of when I was a little girl, for the joy of being able to see certain aspects of the world with the eyes of a child and for the wonderful people You've placed in my present life who will be blessed enough to experience the gobs of tape on their gifts this year :)

Summer in the City-Written Aug. 1, 2006

Since I knew that I was going to be living in Kansas City for a while I took a trip back to NYC to in a sense say goodbye to some friends, family members and my home church. Some of you may not know the details of my story but when i wrote this it was more of a journaling/processing experience for me. I then decided to publish it because even though some of the things may not be pretty or may even seem too crazy to fathom, God gains glory because of how He has transformed my life, even during the past 3 years.



"I have been in New York for almost two weeks now. I must admit that I had almost forgotten what the city can be like in July and August. Here are some of the things I've been reminded of since I've been here:
***NOTE-in no way is this a broad representation of all of New York City, what you are reading are only some very specific insights into the area that my friends and family occupy.

1.) On my first night at church I was blessed enough to be given an amount of money to add to the single-digit amount I had in my pocket when I arrived in NY. This blessing quickly became a lesson in how much I'd forgotten-that night the money was stolen as I slept. No worries, the Lord has continuously provided for my every need and I have quickly reacquainted myself with the habit of NEVER leaving money farther away than I can reach.
2.) I was reminded that the NYPD shift change takes place at 2:00 AM when at a friend's house about fifteen people (all engaged in illegal activity of one kind or another) came inside at 1:35 and went back out at 2:15. The reason? Simple, at 1:40 the police begin to rush to meet their quotas of ticketing and arrests and by 2:15 it's a new shift and they dont really have to worry for another seven hours or so!
3.) Dunkin' Donuts is open 24-hours a day, seven days a week allowing me to indulge in a hazelnut iced coffee for under $3.00 anytime I want!
4.) I have been continuously reminded of how much I love my church family. These people who are so dear to me range in age from 11 months to 89 years. Jesus has truly been preparing their hearts to release me as a young woman seeking to please the Lord with my life. There have been sweet times of prayer as they pray for me and I for them, hilarious times of fellowship as they tease about me becoming a Midwesterner (aint happenin!!!) and long reminiscent talks about the things the Lord has done in all of our lives.
5.) As I search for my mom I am hit with the reality of how difficult it is to really keep contacts on the streets when I have not been here for a year.
6.) MASS TRANSIT!!!! I have been enjoying the liberty of being able to get from the Bronx to Brooklyn in 35 minutes (for those of you who dont know, that's pretty far). Seriously, I can get anywhere I want to go, when I want to go there and feel completely comfortable and confident doing so. I am really going to miss that.

There are many other things I could put here, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for you since many of them have to do with the insanities and drama of the illegal realms of the city that my family is so good at being involved in), I am at the public library and only allowed 30 minutes on the computer. Maybe I'll add some more later this week; I just need to think of the positives so anyone who reads will have a well-balanced glimpse of my life in the city."

Simple Joy-Written July 8, 2006

I wrote this just after returning from Ukraine the first time. I had just spent a month living in an orphanage where God taught me so much about myself and Himself. I arrived back in Kansas City with single digits in the bank, no place to live but, I did have a teaching job lined up to begin in late August. It was a summer full of God's provision.

"I feel really good right now. I've been back from Ukraine for a little over a week and it has proven to be a very difficult week indeed. I find myself constantly missing 'my kids' while at the same time trying to transition back into my life here. Jesus brought up some pretty intense heart issues during my time in Ukraine. As I stepped off of the plane that landed in Kansas City I felt an overwhelming sense of 'orphan-ness' that just won't seem to go away....
For the past six weeks and for the next five weeks I have been and will be living out of suitcases and backpacks in borrowed houses. I have no family in Kansas City and family in New York.....well, that's another story! My close friends whom I've known for a majority of my life are all scattered making it very difficult to communicate. My credit card is almost maxed out and my bank account is nearly non-existant. Lately I feel quite alone and misunderstood.
Why is this blog called "Simple Joy" you might be asking. I'll tell you....
On this lazy Saturday afternoon in July I find myself sitting in the middle of the Bailey's (some of the most amazing friends in the world) hammock with a bowl of cookies-n-cream ice cream and for a few blissful moments the only thing I thought about was how perfect life was right then! I did not think about all of my emotions that have been a constant tornado in my mind, I did not think about where I am going to live when I run out of friend's couches to crash on, I did not think about everything financial that looms in my future.........I sat on that hammock with their cat Bud(I could do without him being around) next to me and laughed at the simple joy of being able to enjoy some ice cream and a nice breeze!
Thank You Jesus, You enjoy blessing me with such moments of pure, childlike joy! May I never be so overwhelmed with the cares of this world that I miss one of these gifts!
Where do you find simple joy?"

Loss-written May 12, 2006

This was written when I found out that my good friend Jenn had been taken to heaven after losing a battle with cancer....

"I lost a part of my life last Tuesday. For the past five years I knew someone who was an amazing woman. Her name was Jennifer, but everyone called her Jenn. She was one of a kind. She had the most beautiful eyes. They were always filled with joy and hope because more than anything she knew that her Jesus was real and everpresent.
She had a zeal for life that was unmatched. She loved to camp, mountain-bike, kayak...anything that had a hint of adventure to it was meant for her!
She possessed such real tenacity and dilligence. I could always count on her courseload consisting of the maximum number of credits allowable each taught by the most challenging professors. She never earned less than a B in any class.
Jenn was a fighter. She battled abandonment from a young age and came out of it with a desire for all to belong. She battled parents who never really knew her and her last words to them were that she loved them and wanted them to know that she is alive and well with Jesus.
Her greatest battle was a three and half year all out war against a cancer that she so unaffectionately named Jezebel. She endured three rounds of Chemo, each one sending her into a short lived remission.
Jenn was one of my best friends. During the past five years we have laughed together countless times! We cried together, fought with God together, shared sarcasm....sometimes a bit too much :) Two weeks ago, I had the honor of being in her company one last time.
Last Tuesday, May 9th, Jenn went to be with Jesus. She told me not to be sad, she will be in heaven and it will be truly amazing. She will have new mountains and streams to explore everyday...and for that I am grateful, I am so glad to think about her spending her 23rd birthday on May 10 with Jesus....alive and well......But, I am so sad for the loss of my friend. My heart hurts more than I thought possible. We will never have another moment together in this life, the ones we've had will have to suffice until we meet again. The tears are coming now.......again........I feel the ache of a friend lost."